So Close

What’s the worst that can happen?

I want to know whether, if you are a mother, you feel this too. Because either I am an asshole beyond compare, or I am just normal. 

I hate it when my kids are sick. HATE it. I react so badly. It makes me so anxious, it is all I can think about. I find it impossible to concentrate on anything else. I have that terrified feeling inside. It feels like my heart and lungs are in a vice, plus I have that horrible adrenalin rush feeling inside. I know most mothers don’t like it when their kids are sick, but my reaction seems extreme. 

I keep giving myself stern talking-tos, but it is not helping.

Previously, when I was seeing another therapist, we spoke about this terrible fear I have inside sometimes, especially where my children are concerned. At the time we were speaking about sending them off to school for the first time, and how anxious I was about it. She asked me to ask myself ‘what is the worst that can happen’, to try and put things in perspective. It is actually a useful thing to do when you are really nervous. Like when you have to do a presentation in front of a hundred people, or you have a job interview. What’s the worst that can happen? Put things into perspective and makes you feel less fearful.

Except it doesn’t really work when your kids are sick. 

What is the worst that can happen? Well, they could die. That would be pretty bad.

They have the flu, they are unlikely to die from the flu. 

Yes, but that is the worst that can happen, right! THEY COULD DIE. 

Is this anxious, fearful feeling normal? I am not sure whether I really fear that they could die. I don’t think I do. I mean, I know logically that they are unlikely to DIE when they are sick (unlike when Kate had her operation and I spent the entire time almost vomiting with fear). So if I don’t really think they are going to die, why do I feel so anxious and out of sorts? Is it an instinct / mother thing? Are we programmed to get upset if our offspring are not well? Or I am extra fearful because the worst has already happened to a child of mine?  Or is this just fearful / anxious / paranoid / highly strung normal Tertia behaviour?

All I know, is that I absolutely hate it when my kids are sick. And we have had four long weeks of sick kids.  So for four weeks I have lived with my heart in my mouth. It’s exhausting.

(The latest victim is Adam with a fever last night of 104/41. Nice. Took them both to the Paed today. He suspects flu. I feel like we are under siege here!)

PS  This has been a VERY expensive week.  I had to have my car repaired (R3000), Shelly spayed (R2000) and with all the medicine I've had to buy for the kids (>R1000), I am now officially BROKE.

There are some things my kids won't get from their mother

I am a good mom in many ways, I am a kind, caring, soft, loving, protective mom.  I think my children are lucky to have me as their mother. But there are certain things my children probably wont ever get from me.  Cordon Bleu cooking is one thing, and beautifully decorated bedrooms is another.

This was brought home recently when Sister Mel told me that her daughter Rebeka was getting a room make over for her birthday.  I giggled to myself because firstly, I so completely SUCK at things like decorating and décor and secondly, Kate is such an ungirly girl that if I gave her a room makeover instead of a skeleton and a monster book for her birthday, she would have a fit.

Sister Mel came to visit recently and saw the kids' room.  She said I HAD to take a picture of the room and post it on my blog.  Their room is all about comfort and warmth!  They have horrible new brown stripy duvet covets (brushed cotton for winter warmth!) and unmatching curtains (got on a sale), bits of odd furniture (borrowed from my mom) etc, but even Mel had to admit that the beds were damn comfy and cosy. 

I am such an ungirly girl, and things like comfort and warmth are far more important that fashion or form.  My poor daughter will never have the prettiest dress on in class (mostly because she hates wearing dresses), but at least my kids will be comfy.  Those dummy-sucking, loud, unfashionable Albertyn children.

Sister Mel and I decided we would do a cross post to show you the difference in our kids rooms.  Please click here to check out my beautiful little girly-girl niece's pretty room.

This is the room they now share.  Bit of pink, bit of blue, bit of brown, bit of lime wash. Lots of comfort.

Should children be seen and not heard in public?

This is one of those times I ask a question with a slight cringe, anticipating that I might not get the answer I like. But I do want to know your opinion. I might not change my behaviour, but I would still like to know.

Do you think that children should be seen and not heard in public? And when you give me your answer, I would be interested to know whether you have small children, grown children or no children. I am interested to hear how that does (or doesn’t) influence your opinion.

My children are quite loud. Especially the boy child. When he talks, he talks at full volume. It doesn’t worry me at all, but Marko is forever saying “shh, stop making so much noise” when we are out. Marko was brought up very much in the ‘seen and not heard’ way. 

I’ll give you some examples: yesterday I was with the kids at Baby City (a store selling baby goods, not babies, unfortunately. Would be so much more convenient). Anyway, Adam was on the one side of the shop (like an open warehouse kind of place) looking at toys and I was at the other side looking at sippy bottles. So he asks me (in his booming voice) “Mom, can we buy this toy?” and I answer “No” across the room. He says “why not” and I tell him “because it is too expensive”. We are having a conversation across the store. Not shouting, but clearly not whispering.  

I often walk around the shop with both of them in the shopping cart, having long and obviously louder-than-whisper conversations. Again, not shouting or screaming but we sing, and talk and dance and laugh in the shop. I couldn’t care less what other people think. We always have fun when we go out and everything is an adventure. Even going to buy groceries.

Another example: We were having breakfast at a café. It is one of many in a big open air courtyard type thing. Tables outside and a little fountain nearby. The kids normally play around near the fountain and parents and other big people sit at the tables having breakfast. My kids laugh and talk loudly to each other, playing around. NOT screaming and not running around causing havoc, but also not sitting quietly reading a book. I think it is perfectly fine and Marko thinks that they should be quiet. He says that other people don’t want to have to hear them, my point is that it is an open air, casual place and if the other people want peace and quiet, they should go to a grown up place.  I would never take my kids to a grown up restaurant, because when I want a grown up meal, I don’t want kids running around disturbing my meal. But if I go to a casual café, I should expect it will be noisy. I actually don’t like going out to eat with Marko and the kids because he gets so uptight. I am always so stressed that he is going to get stressed if the kids talk loudly etc. Pain! (BTW, I know I have been moaning about him a lot lately, but I do actually love him, very much. Especially at the moment, seeing as he is away on business hehehe!)

I know I am a bit of a soft (ill disciplined?) parent, but my feeling is children are children only once. They are not army interns to be broken down and forced into military like obedience. I do not think they are entitled to run wild and be brats, but if they want to laugh and talk loud, why not. They are children.

I know that some people don’t approve because I do get disapproving looks sometimes. Often from the older generation. But I also get lots of smiles, so I know it doesn’t piss everyone off.

What do you think? So you tell your children to talk softly, sit still and behave or do you let your children laugh and talk freely? Should children be free to be childlike, or should they be seen and not heard when in public?

PS Re Adam's binki / paci / dummy in the last pic – Kate still has one too. Both my kids still have dummies.  They are only supposed to have it for sleeping and in the car.  I said when they were two, I would take it away. That changed to three. It is now four. They might keep them forever.  Told you I am a soft, ill disciplined mother. My children will clearly grow up to be (loud) axe murderers.

The reason why I usually choose to work from coffee shops

What is it with you Americans and bacon?

I have been meaning to ask you this for AGES, but keep forgetting.  What is the deal with you Americans and bacon? I keep seeing blog posts and twitter updates talking about bacon and how lovely it is. It is almost as if it is either a special treat, or something you aren't supposed to eat or ... I am not sure what actually. It has intrigued me for a while.  Because here bacon is something you have with your eggs and that's it.  Nothing to get excited about. I see Heather from Dooce mentions it sometimes. About loving bacon.  And Stephania from City Mama also mentioned in a tweet the other day.  "at MOMocrats brunch. mmmm bacon" What's the deal with bacon? Enquiring mind wants to know.

Edited to add: Funnily enough, just bought bacon at the shop. I never eat the stuff as I am not a big meat eater. But Marko and Rose eat it. This is what our bacon looks like (before we cut the fat off) Oh and we don't often make our bacon crispy, it is mostly soft.

PS Your bacon must be VERY very good in order to justify bacon flavoured ice cream.

Edited to add again:  What a brilliant article!  A commenter linked to this brilliant Salon article that explains America's love of bacon. So funny. I had no idea it was such a big thing there.  Fascinating actually. Such an interesting insight into your culture. Very well written article.

PPS I can't believe I have done an entire blog post about bacon. I've never even thought about the stuff before. See! You're never too old to learn.

Update on the ailing Albertyns

Let's start with the biggest baby first:  After a full day of uninterrupted lying in bed and whimpering sadly to himself, (not that I am resentful, oh no!), Marko has made a full recovery.  Praise the lord.

Poor Kate, she is not a happy camper. I called the Paed yesterday and he said to get some Nystatin cream, which I did. Seems to be helping. Then, I called the ENT this morning and said that I wanted to bring Kate in.  Even though the fever has broken, I just want to make sure she is ok.  She has been MISERABLE from hell, just crying and moaning the whole time. Refusing to eat.  The ENT said she is physically ok, it is just a pain management issue.  So we have upped her pain medication and hopefully she will turn the corner soon.  Of course, this morning, just as I managed to stop the moaning for five minutes, she slammed her fingers in the drawer.  Sigh. 

Adam has been in a sterling mood for the last few days, thank goodness!  It is funny how my twins seem to know that when the one is being super needy, the other one needs to give mom a bit of a break.

As for me, there is no time for the mother to be sick / tired / dying. So I soldier on. 

Sorry for boring you with the very boring tales of my very boring life. I would love to be more interesting, but right now this is how boring my life is. Blech.

A question

Poor Kate. I really do feel sorry for her.  All the antibiotics have given her a yeast infection.  She is taking a probiotic, but does anyone have any advice for the yeast infection? Can you use specific yeast infection medication for young girls? Over the counter or do you need a prescription for it? 

And the fun continues….

I have just poured myself a glass of wine and it is only 3:23 in the afternoon. And I don’t even care. I’ve had such a KAK (Afrikaans for fucking terrible) week, that if it is either wine or hacking at my wrist with a blunt butter knife. Or my foot up my husband’s backside, but that’s another story.

I wrote yesterday that I was a bit worried about Kate, she wasn’t herself, even taking into account the fact that she had just had an operation. Last night she had a raging fever and this morning I took her to casualty. She has a post operative infection in the tonsil area. The doctor said ‘just as well you brought her in’. I told him I knew something wasn’t right. He has given her new antibiotics and hopefully we will see a difference in 48 hours. Only another 48 hours on top of the WHOLE FUCKING WEEK. I want to cry. I am so tired, so depleted. It feels like this whole week of so called recovery has been a waste. 

And then to top it all, I decide to take the kids and the dogs for a walk so that they can get out the house and Marko can watch his Formula 1 qualifying in peace, and firstly Adam rides his bike flat out into my leg, scraping all the skin off the inside of my leg and just about breaking my ankle (and then makes ME apologize to HIM for upsetting him when I cried out in pain) and two seconds later, Bruno knocks Kate over in his excitement and she goes face first into the tar, bloody lip and all. 

I scooped everyone up, marched inside, shouted at Marko to get up and poured myself a glass of wine. Please can this week just end already!

Would you like a side order of puke with that?

I am climbing the walls here! What a week. Let me recap for those who might not be following the minutia of our daily existence:

Monday am: Kate tonsils out

Monday pm: Me puking lungs out

Tuesday all day: Me on death bed, Kate and Adam on top of me, Marko at work

Wednesday all day: Kate ok, me puke and poop free but missing my voice. Marko leaves on a business trip.

Thursday: Kate ok. Me sore throat and still not 100%.  Adam pukes several times in Woollies car park and all over my pants and shoes. Marko still away.

Thursday night: Marko arrives back home. Adam wakes at 1am and 2am not feeling well. One of his parents gets up to give him medicine etc. The other one can be heard snoring under the covers. Kate wakes up at 4am with a raging temperature. The same parent gets up again to strip her down, give her medicine and wait for temp to subside. Snoring continues from other parent. After much musical beds, the parent who is still wondering around in her gown at 5am manages to sleep for an hour in Kate’s bed.

Friday morning: Kate wakes up at 6am feeling a bit better, wants to watch TV. Marko goes to work. Adam wakes up at 8 am and pukes again.

Current status: Adam seems to have recovered, but Kate is very lethargic. Bit worrying actually. About to call doctor and get advice. Hate it when my kids are sick, so worrying.

I am SOOOOO sick of sick kids, sick me and being stuck inside! I HATE WINTER.

Signed: Little Ms Bundle of Joy