The Controversial Cut

To cut or not to cut, that is the question….

Well actually not much of a question, more an academic debate because Marko has decided that Adam will be circumcised, and I am letting him make the decision.  He is in charge on penises in our house. 

However I know that this is an issue not without an enormous amount of controversy and very strong feelings from both sides.

If I had to make the decision, I am not sure which way I would go.  I hate the thought of my tiny little baby having to go through pain, yet……I do want him to look like Dad, Grandpa etc. 

I know the current thinking around this issue.  That is not medically necessary, that ‘looking like Dad’ is for some people, not a good enough reason.  That some people consider it mutilation etc.

What are your thoughts?  I want Marko to read them too.

Remember:  Respect each other’s views, please.  And also, not too many horror stories of someone’s aunt’s cousin’s brother’s child with whom the knife slipped and the penis was cut off.  I want to know what you did, and why.

Edited to say:  Our son was born January 07, 2005.  based on all of what you’ve said, we decided not to circumcise him.

Comments

[Amyesq]

Never really thought about the issue - always thought I would - until I married a Brit. He is adamantly against it and, actually, once I started doing research on it I realized it really is medically unnecessary. Most countries, aside from the US, don't routinely do it and I can say from personal experience it is not less hygenic or less satisfying being married to someone who is not.

Also, like an above poster said, i doubt my son will be looking too much at his dad's willy very much. Even if he is, the difference between a three year old penis and a 39 year old penis is pretty significant circ or no circ.

[Emily]

An answer to the question of what is done with the leftover foreskins:

http://www.foreskin.org/f4sale.htm

And Jan, that's one of the reasons circumcision was originally pushed, to discourage mastubation. Don't think it worked to well, though. I'm looking for the link since that was asked as well.

[Brandy]

My twin boys were cut. Done in the NICU two days before they came home. Blane did not cry, but Dylan did. We did it to look like daddy and so it would not be so hard to keep it clean for now and the future. And to tell you the truth, being cut looks normal to me. But that is just me. I have friends that have sons that are not cut and that are cut and they are all for different reasons. But now you know mine. Not much pain. No problems afterwards. A little medicine after for about a week. That is it. And to me, they look normal.

[Emily]

Got it. A link to why circumcision became so popular in modern times.

http://www.cirp.org/pages/whycirc.html

And clearly I shouldn't have said "originally" as it is an ancient practice. I meant one of the original reasons for its re-emergence as a common practice in the West.

[Rachel]

Although I'm not a boy's mother yet - if/when I have one he will be circumsized. My father was born in Eastern Europe and was not. However, for medical reasons, he had to have the procedure preformed in his 60s. It was very painful and unsettling to him then. So I'll be doing it to avoid that possibility.

[Natalie]

We didn't have our son, Felix, circumsized. Mostly just because we couldn't think of a good reason to do it.
Looking like dad wasn't enough of a reason for us, because really, how many times will they be comparing parts? :)

For me once I read that babies sometimes have a hard time breastfeeding after being circ'd because they can sort of "shut down" for a while, the decision was made. I had spent many, many months trying to establish a breastfeeding relationship with my daughter (after a traumatic birth involving HELLP syndrome), and I was never able to breastfeed her.
I was determined that absolutely nothing would hurt my chances of getting to nurse Felix. So after reading up on it, I decided that for me it wasn't worth risking.

(Though I have many friends whose sons have been circ'd who nursed just fine.)

And I also wasn't into putting my itty bitty guy through any unnecessary pain. Now, 7 months later, I never even think of whether or not he's circ'd.

You'll do what's best for YOUR babies because you're their mama.

[Mollie]

When we adopted our son from Vietnam (a place where I would imagine no male is ever circumcised), he was 6.5 months old. I had read all the lit about circ being optional at best and figured hooray, the decision has been made for us by the child's birth culture but no, my husband wanted him cut because of the whole "look like Daddy" thing. (Geo's dad was uncut. Go figure.)

Like another woman who commented here, I left it all up to Geo. I said, "Okay, you're in charge of the whole thing. You call up the pediatric urologist, you make all the appointments, you deal with the aftermath. I am not going to be part of this." Of course, it just didn't get done. Thank God for that.

Nico's penis will never look like his dad's. Not if he were cut, not when he grows up, just never. Toilet training was no problem. Come on! Give me a break. There have been no hygiene issues so far, and Nico is nearly four.

The only weird thing was at his 3 year doc visit, the female pediatrician got all up in our faces about how his foreskin wasn't retracting and how we should manually retract it every time we bathed him blah blah blah. Well, it sounded like BS but we tried for a few nights, poor Nico, he didn't want us fucking around with his cock! And I read up about it again online and of course the answer is NO, you NEVER try to force a kid's foreskin to retract, it's a natural process that takes years, and if there's no issue with urination there's just no issue.

Anyway. Nico seems to be enjoying his uncut, tiny dick immensely. If we'd taken his foreskin off, he'd be half as long! Now there's trauma right there.

[Neety]

From the point of view of someone who has enjoyed both circumcised and uncircumcised penises, I have to say that circumcised penises smell much nicer. And not to gross you out or anything, but a friend of mine slept with a guy who wasn't circumcised and I could smell it when I walked into their room to say goodnight - I am not kidding you, his dick was that stinky. Mind you, I think he was a bit of a hippie so hygiene probably was not his highest priority.
However, I don't think I would circumcise our future kids even though my boyfriend is circumcised- I live in Australia and I don't think it's very common any more. I would instead teach our little one to clean properly!!!
PS. To Expat - they pleasure themselves the same way - it still moves! :-)

[eM]

When I had Matt, I had him on my own and was terrified at the thought of being "in charge of penis's in our family" so I opted to cut. Based on personal preference and first boyfriend experience. I also had an aversion to dark damp places I may need to springclean. When Brad came along Fred got to decide and he opted for circumcistion too (even tho' he's not). So now my boys (now aged 9 and 5) don't look like their dad but do look like each other, although they are certainly the minority of their peers - oddly they are penal obsessed but have never really spotted the difference - it's never been um "raised" as a topic or an issue. We are still very pleased with our decision. My sisters kids weren't and when the oldest was about 6 he had retraction problems and they threatened to cut but didn't and she's fine with her decision. Your Qtip syndrome would make me think it wise to go with Marko's cutting. They did it on the 3rd day just before we left hospital - it took 3 minutes and was less fuss than the umbilical cord. Just a guaze dunked in vaseline and gently wound around. It's the same mechanism as the lopping of a dogs tail. I must say at bathtime with friends mine look the most dignified and normal - but that's just my perspective.

[hols]

this was an argument for me and my hubs too. i finally decided to go ahead. but the dr office here said it wasnt a neseccary procedure. so they scheduled it for whenever. my son was 2 months old when they finally got around to it. it sucked. it was hard for me. he shouldnt of had to go thru that. but its over with now, he is fine. i didnt think he needed it. it just seems so wrong to me. thats just my opinion. we did it anyway. wrong or not!! good luck! oh and you are totally rocken this pregnancy! good luck!!

[Magnolia]

We didn't with Hunter for the basic reasons, it's gential mutliation, it's unneccessary and the thought of handing my darling hard won little man over to a dr to have his penis snipped was unbearable

I did regret it for a bit during my ppd (it was just another reason I was a bad mother) now I hardly think of it, though my family is still appalled..I'm the black sheep of the family for doing it

[Abby]

While I second the notion that circumcision is outdated and essentially unecessary, my son was snipped. I had to bring him BACK to the hospital to be circ'ed after his due date, because he was premature. My cautionary tale involves men who have had circumcisions long, long after birth. A nine-year old relative of mine had to be circumsized due to infection. A boyfriend in high school had to be circumsized, due to infection. After talking it over with my husband, we agreed that the threat of having to snip a grown man's penis (with all of the ego attached) was worth a snip in infancy.

Just another FYI, though. Make sure you pull that foreskin back daily, after the circ! Make sure you pull it back after EVERY diaper change! This mantra wasn't drilled into my brain enough, and my poor son's foreskin reattached soon after circumcision. Ouch.

[Kris]

Well, we found out last week we were having a boy, and both have chosen to go for circ.

It's a hard choice, and if Bart had chosen not to circ, I would have gone with that. His father wasn't he was, and all his other boys are too.

When I asked him why he wanted circ and not uncut, he asked me how I felt about uncut penis's back when I was sleeping around.

So, that's why he is going for it.

[Sarah]

Our baby boy is due February 23rd, and this has been the toughest decision!!! Ultimately, we decided that watching our daughter get blood taken at the hospital as a newborn was too horrendous for words, and this would be bound to be much worse. I just can't do it. When this little guy is finally born, I'm just going to hold him as much as I can and do everything in my power to protect him from pain. I hope he doesn't hate me for it later!!!

[Deanna]

We did it because we did it... and he was to young to know it.. and we don't regret it.. and hopefully one day he wont resent us. Now that he will be 10 in 8 days and still wets the bed... probably a good decision without realizing it.

[Carrie]

I have to counter the above poster who mentioned the uncut guy being stinky. Having experience with both, I actually had fewer "stink" problems with the uncut as I had with the snipped, perhaps because they made a larger effort to keep clean. And as far as looking strange to the girlfriend goes: I don't think I ever saw a penis limp before I saw it erect in this sort of case, and when it is erect the foreskin isn't always noticeable, as it retracts, sometimes all the way. Afterwards, if I was caring what it looked like limp, things were looking bad for the guy anyway. I have a daughter, but DH and I discussed a while ago that we wouldn't do it if/when we had a boy. I have a different breast size and shape than my mother and I wasn't confused or traumatized by this, so why would my son be confused if he looked a little different than his dad?

[Anne]

Luckily (the only lucky thing) my son was in the NICU for 2 weeks, and they did not circumcize him right away. I planned on having it done. Then while I was waiting, I did research. The next day I walked into his room and asked the nurse to tear up the consent form. Aiden is now 3 years old. We have had no problems. No infections. He potty trained at 28 months old. We have never had any problems with him not looking like Daddy. I am very happy with my decision, and I hope Aiden will be too. If we were to have any more boys in the future, they would not be circ'd. I am not a huge fan of leaving it up to the husband (or father) because most will not take the time to research (just my experience). I have been following your progress with Kate and Adam for many months. I am so happy that you are so close to your HBIJ goal!

[Tara]

We did not have our son circumsised, even though his dad is.

But on the other side of the argument a friend of ours in his 30s had to get the snip before he got married and it was very painful - esp in the morning if you know what I mean. I guess that a bub would soon forget, but they certainly wouldn't have the additional pain causing issue.

[R]

My son was circed when he was 2 weeks old. He was born in Germany and it isn't routinely done there, but we felt it was important. Not for the cosmetic reasons, but for the cleanliness. And, from the research we did, we felt that the teetering coorelation to penile cancer risks increasing were worth considering. They keep changing their mind, but if there is a chance that he would have a higher cancer rate, then why take that chance was our thinking.

I was right there with him when it was done. They used a topical anesthetic first, and he cried a bit when that was rubbed on. Guess he was freaked by losing feeling in his nethers. Then he used ladocaine. It was all said and done in less then 5 minutes. Gelled gauze for a few days and he was fine.

[Julie]

I have two boys, and they are both circ... Though I didn't watch the procedure, neither of them had any troubles at all. No blood whatsoever, just had to change the gauze and vasoline with every diaper change for a couple of days.

We had it done because it was done in the Bible... Plus, it just looks normal to me.

Hugs
Julie

P.S. It's almost January!!!!

[wix]

i, too, left the decision up to mr. wixlet, who chose to cut. had he to make the decision again, i'm not sure he would have made that choice.

mollie (in case you're back and reading the comments), mr. wixlet is vietnamese (born in saigon) and is circumcised, so it does happen, but i'm sure it only happens at the request of the parents.

[eve]

No kids yet, but I would probably have my son undergo the procedure. He might feel like "the oddity" in the locker room if he didn't have it done. Also, there is the consideration of when he starts dating girls that are also relatively inexperienced during the adolescent years. If he was to make the decision to undergo the procedure when he was a teenager, it would still probably be for the reasons I would have done it when he was an infant. I feel it would be better to avoid all that hassle for my son. Not to mention the religious considerations... but that's just my opinion. :) Good luck!

[persephone]

I just have to second whoever said anesthetic cream!! Absolutely use that. The rabbi at my parents' synagogue pushes for it at all circumcisions, now that there's evidence newborn pain responses resemble those of adults. I don't know why people believed for so long that babies don't feel pain, just because they can't remember it later, but that's a different rant.

You might want to ask if the doctor can put it on Adam beforehand, actually. My sister had a bit of trouble applying it for her son (not too thick, not too thin, getting the little piece of foil to stay on, argggh.)

[Anne]

We had "sort of" planned to have our chickabid done, but he was so sick after he was born and went through so much in his first few weeks of life that we couldn't do it. I didn't cope with his hourly heel pricks for blood sugar so I don't know how I would have coped with a circumcision.

[Lisa]

I'm Jewish and live in Israel so circumcision is something pretty much taken for granted here. If we have a boy, he will be circumcised for various reasons that include tradition and an entire society of circumcised men- That said, I don't agree with circumcision at all. I cannot understand how or why it is somehow viewed as ok to cut off a piece of little boy, cause really, that's what it is. I also see it as very similar to female circumcision, it's just that society views it as more acceptable. If I weren't Jewish and living here, I would never do it.