My girlfriends and I have adopted two mottos in our lives that have served us really well. The first one is the ‘just don’t care’ attitude. It’s a wonderfully liberating way to live.
It is so easy to get so caught up in what people think, or the ‘right’ thing to do etc, that often you do yourself a great disservice. How much more liberating is it to ‘just not care’?
The other motto we live our lives by is that we are Gorgeous and Divine, and totally worth it. Realistically we know we are not super models (sorry girls) and that we are getting on a bit (again, sorry girls, wont mention the war again) but you know what, in spite of these minor little details, we are damn fun, clever, capable, competent, good people, and if we must say so ourselves, not too bad looking either. Realistically we know we have a few minor imperfections, but hey, who hasn’t. In fact Bee’s 3-year-old daughter will tell you, her mother is gorgeous and divine (she has either heard it so often or Bee has been brainwashing her). And you start telling yourself something like this often enough, you start feeling good about yourself, and there is nothing more attractive than confidence and happiness.
I will joke around about this, for example a few days I told Julia that the reason I was nominated for the BoB award and not her was because I was better looking. Now realistically I know for a fact that I am nowhere near as attractive as her (the cow), but its fun to joke around. Hey, if I don’t tell myself I am damn divine, who is going to? It has nothing to do with vanity, it has to do with acceptance of who you are and being able to see your good points and along side your bad. We all have good points, all of us.
As for not caring…..
So people think you are a boring old fart because you like to stay home or not go out on weeknights? Just don’t care. If a good nights sleep and being alert at work makes you a boring old fart, then that is what you are. Who cares???
People think I am a nerd? I really don’t care. If I’m a nerd, I’m a nerd. I like me.
Someone doesn’t like you? Just don’t care, it’s their problem, not yours. Do not waste your energy on that person. Can’t please all the people all the time.
Worried what people might think if they see you in the mall in your ultra casual shorts, T and flip flops, no make up on – I really honestly do not care. This is they way I look on weekends, deal with it. I know I can look gorgeous and divine if I want to, I don’t want to right now.
So your first date didn’t call you back for a second date, maybe he didn’t see you as second date material? Well, just don’t care, it’s his loss. Not yours. You know you are gorgeous and divine, maybe just not his version of it.
Worried that people think you are a bit tarty / stupid / asshole’ish to post a pic of yourself in your underpants on your blog? Just don’t care. Really. You know your intentions.
We love ‘just not caring’. What matters is how you feel about yourself, and those people you care about. If a stranger thinks you look shit in those pair of pants, but you love them, who the fuck cares? However if your best friend tells you that those pants are bordering on ‘mutton as lamb’, then you listen. Because your best friend cares.
Sometimes, one of us will phone the other and complain about some one who has slighted them, or something that has gone wrong, and the other person will say ‘just don’t care’. And that person will say ‘you know what, you’re right, I am not going to care’. How liberating.
Of course you can’t take this ‘not caring’ to the extreme, and for example, not shower for a few days. But you wouldn’t, because you care about yourself, and not being stinky is about you, not for any one else. There is a line.
I know I am in danger of taking the not caring thing too far, I would quite happily pop down to the corner café in my holey old shorts and T shirt, because I really really don’t care, but Marko does, so I don’t, for him. Sometimes you do have to think about those closest to you.
It is so important to like who you are, not to base your own self worth on what other people think. Fuck what strangers and arbitrary people think, life is too short and too damn hard sometimes to worry about labels, opinions, grudges and other people’s biases. You know what/who you are inside, like yourself, you might not be Heidi Klum or Naomi Campbell, but are still damn gorgeous and divine, and people are damn lucky to have you around. Especially your husband, does he know what a good deal he got? If not, remind him constantly. I do.
And those who don’t see it? Just don’t care. It’s their problem, not yours.