Just Don’t Care, you’re Gorgeous and Divine

My girlfriends and I have adopted two mottos in our lives that have served us really well.  The first one is the ‘just don’t care’ attitude.  It’s a wonderfully liberating way to live.

It is so easy to get so caught up in what people think, or the ‘right’ thing to do etc, that often you do yourself a great disservice.  How much more liberating is it to ‘just not care’?

The other motto we live our lives by is that we are Gorgeous and Divine, and totally worth it.  Realistically we know we are not super models (sorry girls) and that we are getting on a bit (again, sorry girls, wont mention the war again) but you know what, in spite of these minor little details, we are damn fun, clever, capable, competent, good people, and if we must say so ourselves, not too bad looking either. Realistically we know we have a few minor imperfections, but hey, who hasn’t.  In fact Bee’s 3-year-old daughter will tell you, her mother is gorgeous and divine (she has either heard it so often or Bee has been brainwashing her).  And you start telling yourself something like this often enough, you start feeling good about yourself, and there is nothing more attractive than confidence and happiness. 

I will joke around about this, for example a few days I told Julia that the reason I was nominated for the BoB award and not her was because I was better looking.  Now realistically I know for a fact that I am nowhere near as attractive as her (the cow), but its fun to joke around.  Hey, if I don’t tell myself I am damn divine, who is going to?  It has nothing to do with vanity, it has to do with acceptance of who you are and being able to see your good points and along side your bad.  We all have good points, all of us.

As for not caring…..

So people think you are a boring old fart because you like to stay home or not go out on weeknights?  Just don’t care.  If a good nights sleep and being alert at work makes you a boring old fart, then that is what you are.  Who cares???

People think I am a nerd?  I really don’t care.  If I’m a nerd, I’m a nerd.  I like me.

Someone doesn’t like you?  Just don’t care, it’s their problem, not yours.  Do not waste your energy on that person.  Can’t please all the people all the time.

Worried what people might think if they see you in the mall in your ultra casual shorts, T and flip flops, no make up on – I really honestly do not care.  This is they way I look on weekends, deal with it.  I know I can look gorgeous and divine if I want to, I don’t want to right now.

So your first date didn’t call you back for a second date, maybe he didn’t see you as second date material?  Well, just don’t care, it’s his loss.  Not yours.  You know you are gorgeous and divine, maybe just not his version of it. 

Worried that people think you are a bit tarty / stupid / asshole’ish to post a pic of yourself in your underpants on your blog?  Just don’t care.  Really.  You know your intentions. 

We love ‘just not caring’.  What matters is how you feel about yourself, and those people you care about.  If a stranger thinks you look shit in those pair of pants, but you love them, who the fuck cares?  However if your best friend tells you that those pants are bordering on ‘mutton as lamb’, then you listen.  Because your best friend cares.

Sometimes, one of us will phone the other and complain about some one who has slighted them, or something that has gone wrong, and the other person will say ‘just don’t care’.  And that person will say ‘you know what, you’re right, I am not going to care’.  How liberating.

Of course you can’t take this ‘not caring’ to the extreme, and for example, not shower for a few days.  But you wouldn’t, because you care about yourself, and not being stinky is about you, not for any one else.  There is a line.

I know I am in danger of taking the not caring thing too far, I would quite happily pop down to the corner café in my holey old shorts and T shirt, because I really really don’t care, but Marko does, so I don’t, for him.  Sometimes you do have to think about those closest to you. 

It is so important to like who you are, not to base your own self worth on what other people think.  Fuck what strangers and arbitrary people think, life is too short and too damn hard sometimes to worry about labels, opinions, grudges and other people’s biases.  You know what/who you are inside, like yourself, you might not be Heidi Klum or Naomi Campbell, but are still damn gorgeous and divine, and people are damn lucky to have you around.  Especially your husband, does he know what a good deal he got?  If not, remind him constantly.  I do.

And those who don’t see it?  Just don’t care. It’s their problem, not yours.

Comments

[projgen]

AHA! I get it! To all those people in my life who say I am obsessing over reading the blogs of people I don't even know: I JUST DON'T CARE! :)

Thanks, Tertia!

[Deanna]

When I am all dead and gone (not anytime soon mind you!!!), the strangers that passed me by will not care or even how bad I looked / seemed/ appeared... it's the people that knew me for me that has mattered....and they are the ones who's images I have burned into their memories !!

[Boulder]

God, I think I love you.

Except that you are working too hard to take my nerd crown away.

My holey shirts will beat yours anyday, and my belly? Well, thankfully it showed up after my DH fell in love with me.

PS - HAPPY 36 WEEKS!!!!!

xoxo

[kel]

Wow. I really needed to read this today.

Thanks Tertia.

[Woodys Girl]

I'll buy into the "Gorgeous and Divine" part, but can I get the rest without that horrid "JUST" word? Or maybe we can re-invent it to be written "Juust" - surely an extra "u" gives it more merit?

Happy 36 weeks, indeed! You old cow. LOL

[LPF]

Would you ever consider taking a trip to the capital of the most powerful nation in the world--'cause I'd love to hang with you. You rock!

[Dani]

After that, I'm feeling so postive about myself, ready to face the day! I am beautiful!

[Carrie Jo]

I tried explaining that to a couple of girls that were bitching about a snooty look they felt they received from a female stranger walking down the street. I said who cares? Are you ever going to see her again? Probably not. Get over it. They looked at me like I was an alien. Oh well.

[Amy V]

Thank you for this Tertia, Thank you.

Happy 36 weeks!

[falimako]

My Mum has the same attitude, but her mantra is "fuck 'em"!

[chasmyn]

God, I love you. You could not have posted this entry at a more perfect time for me to read it. You're brilliant. I heart you :)

[blackbird]

Excellent theory. Will try to put it into practice. Would compliment you on your insight, today a day late for the post --- but CANNOT AS I THINK YOU ARE GIVING BIRTH TO PERFECT TWINS!

[sheilah]

You know what? I like you too (not that you care...).

And I like me even better.

[cursingmama]

Along the lines of reminding the hubby how good he has it - - I taught my kids to tell me I'm the best mom in the whole world!

[Patty]

Love it!! I'm a great fan of Bette Midler's early work back when she was "The Divine Miss M". Congrats on the birth of Adam and Kate!! Love, Peg

[De]

Loved this post! I get so effin annoyed when people judge, when really there is no judgement to be made! I could care less.

Best Wishes on your newborn twins! - that is so awesome you made it to 36 weeks! Congrats!

[lex]

I just started reading your blog. I wanted to say thanks for this post. It spoke VOLUMES to me... Congratulations on becoming a mommy! And Double blessing. :)

[Elizabeth]

i love it and totally agree!
(and I totally missed this post until now because I was too distracted by the text messages!)

[Jay aka Adultee]

Aaarghh...!! This is SO great. Thank you, thank you. I'm gonna blog about this and trackback to you, only I don't really know how. I just love your outlook on loving yourself and just not caring when others don't. You go girl!!

[Colleen]

can we still post own stories here.

[girlplease]

Wow. I am amazed by your blog. First time reader. I'm thinking of starting my own little conception blog because well, it's my first time conceiving and I have a high risk for infertility (35 and w/ endo). Let's just say I'm scared. But it's nice to read sane blogs like yours.

[Scoutgjee]

Tertia

I have been reading your blog for many moons, as well as Karen's at the Naked Ovary. She went private back in the Fall. I was busy with pregnancy and birth. Now I'd love to find her again. Is there an email at which I can contact her and ask for a password?

Thanks,
Scoutgjee

[Doug Johnson]

Just read your thoughts on getting Breast Implants. Go for it and don't look back for any reason.Just prepare yourself for the posssible complications and the healing process. After that,your new body image will not only be a physical change that you will sense both visually and sensually,but your psyche will change on how your are preceived.Most women experience a renewed self confidence and a feeling of youthful rejuvination.Blog us if you decide to "go for broke."

[Helayna]

Hey i liked that but im a model....lols and alot of girls should also give modeling a chance!!!!!!!