So Close: So, tell me about YOU….

Here we are, oralling on and on about me, and I know nothing about you. How very self-centred of me.

When I started this blog, it was an outlet for my pain over losing Ben and Luke, and my fear in doing another cycle. Then it became a journal of sorts about my scary pregnancy. Lately it has become a series of really helpful conversations with some very fascinating women (and a few men). And Mollie. Who fits neither category.

I’ve bared my soul (and my underpants) to you; I’d like to know what turns you on. Well, besides me in my underpants, which frankly, would turn any one on, lets be honest.

So, tell me more about you:

Lurkers, it’s time to delurk. I want to know whom I am speaking to.

(answer all, some, none, in bullet point form, essay answers, whatever. If you don’t want to put your name, that’s fine. Just put ‘anon’ and your email as anon@anon)

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?

2. How did you find me?

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?

Don’t worry, I am not going to change the nature of my blog in order to suit certain tastes, I am still writing for myself and about my life. However I am really interested in whom I am speaking to, how on earth you found me, and what you think. The whole ‘world as a global village’ thing is so great, especially for me living in Africa. The Internet has a particularly powerful significance here.

All entries will entered into a draw and the lucky winner will win a weekend away with me. Second prize is two weekends away with Julie. Third prize, a month away with Mollie.

Looking forward to finding out who lives in my computer.

Comments

1. Motherhood. I have a son almost 4 months old (he was born one week before Julie's baby, but at term). Oh, and South African background - my father was born there (Johannesburg. Don't know which bit of SA you live in, but if you know the art shop in Jo'burg that used to be called Whippman's - my grandfather founded that.)

2. From the link at Julie's blog.

3. Started commenting for the first time the other day. I was the one who was wittering on and on about CIO on the post where you asked about how to put the babies down drowsy-but-awake, so you're probably really, really wishing by now that I'd just STFU commenting. ;-)

4. I love reading about your experiences of motherhood. I love hearing from someone who's one stage behind me, so to speak, and sharing many of the same experiences - stuff like the whole 'drowsy but awake' thing and the way you've ended up co-sleeping when you never meant to are _so_ familiar from my own experiences! At the same time, because I'm just that couple of months ahead, it makes me realise how much of this I'm actually getting sussed as I go along. I love reading about what it's like to take care of twins, because that's something I find fascinating (at the same time as being glad I'm only taking care of one!) I love the questions you ask - if it's something I know the answer to then I think "Hooray, I've actually learned something about this motherhood gig!" and if it isn't, then I can learn something by reading other people's answers.

5. The bits mentioned in no. 4.

6. Nothing. If there are any bits that are less interesting, I just skim through them.

7. Wow, am I the first person on here from outside the US? I live in Essex, England (was born in Philadelphia, but have lived in England nearly all my life).

8. Just keep writing! I'm really looking forward to further updates on life with the twins.

Posted by:Sarah V. | 12 March 2005 at 10:01 PM

Being gorgeous and divine

through Alittlepregnant

I've no experience in motherhood so I feel there's no advice I could give. And I'm shy. I tend to just stay in the corner at parties.

Your sense of humor and your openness. Also though I'm not South African, my fiance is and so I think that's what I find appealing about your blog too.

Everything you're addressing now is great.

Nothing at all.

SF east bay, california

I think you're a great mom already and that as long as you love your children and let it show, they'll grow up to be great too.

Posted by:anon | 12 March 2005 at 10:01 PM

1. Infertility. A loss. Mine was late term @ 36 weeks.
I'm reasonably gorgeous but far too cynical to be divine.:)

2. I don't quite remember. I ended up on Julie's blog from Bookslut and there I found lots of infertility/losses blogs and perhaps it was there or on the blogroll of the blogs there that I came across yours and it looked like one that is updated often so I started lurking. This is like a week ago, mind you, so I'm still trying to get to know you well enough to comment.

3. See above, I may have commented once? My memory is foggy.

4. You write succinctly about issues that matter to me.

5. Don't know/Haven't been lurking long enough to judge.

6. Not necessarily shut up, because that would defeat the purpose of the blog as a story about a happy ending to infertility...but, as someone who has yet to concieve and carry to term and deliver a live baby, talk of children can sometimes sting a bit. I have to just stop reading when it hurts, yet I still need to hear a positive story every now and then so...I guess my fate is to keep reading.:)

7. I live in Sammamish WA, a suburb of Seattle. I was born in Pakistan, have lived in the States since I was six.

8. :) Keep at it!

PS I just started up a mirror site on Blogger (which I'm linked to here) but my original blog in which there is archived talk about the infertility, the pregnancy and the loss is at http://zarqa.livejournal.com in case you're interested in reading.

Posted by:zarqa | 12 March 2005 at 10:06 PM

Infertility, gorgeous and divine!

from Karen, Naked Ovary

Sometimes...Since I don't have children, I don't always know what to say.

I love your honesty. And some of the words you use. :)

No changes, you rock.

See above.

I'm from Southeast Missouri, USA.

Keep it up!! I think you are amazing.

Posted by:Michelle | 12 March 2005 at 10:08 PM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?
losses, motherhood

someone on a loss chatboard talking about blogs.

More lately, but not much, Being a mother of a singleton and having two stepchildren pales in comparison to having two newborns.

Everything, really. Love hearing about the babies.

I enjoy our conversations as they are now.

And why on earth would anyone want you to shut up? Keep talking!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
Ohio, usa
8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?

No tips, no suggestions, assvice: Dread potty training. Dread scrubbing underwear. Its horrid with one, I can't imagine with two, but I hear girls are easier than boys.

Posted by:dawna | 12 March 2005 at 10:13 PM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?
Infertility, Mulitple IVFs, finally mother to b/g twins (8 months), Wishing I was gorgeous and divine!!

2. How did you find me?
IVF-C. Used to post occasionally on the vets thread. Followed your story there and then found your blog through Julie's.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
I do occasionally. I normally don't have time to comment as much as I would like, as my two babies eat up most of my time.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
Your sharp wit, and knowing that what I went through those first couple of months was normal and that I wasn't the Worlds Worst Mother for finding it so difficult.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
Don't change a thing!

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
The Gross national debt of America... I mean enough already!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
I'm living in California but I'm an Irish native,

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
Don't stop blogging. It's part of my day to check in!! :D

Posted by:Shinaidy | 12 March 2005 at 10:18 PM

Definately being gorgeous and divine. Also, my b/f is several years younger than me too ;-)

2. How did you find me?
from A Little Pregnant

Often, though with no kids I'm note sure how sound all my assvice is!

I love your honesty, your writing style-it's a must read every day.

But that's just it, I don't know what they are going to be about- and that's what I love.

Nothing. I enjoy the ramblings of your mind.

I'm from Detroit, Michigan, in the US.

Hug those babies for me. And give your hubbie a big kiss.

Posted by:stephanie | 12 March 2005 at 10:23 PM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above? Infertility and motherhood (Yay! Finally!!)

2. How did you find me? I have been stalking you for years my dear, even before you knew who the hell mrs.d from TLOL was.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t? Occasionally. There are so many fabulous, intelligent women here already, I usually don't have anything else to offer.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy? I love hearing all about you and the babes!

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? Me of course! Its all about me you know. ;)

6. What do you wish I would shut up about? Can't think of anything.

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from? Michigan

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice? Nope, no tips or assvice, but I do adore you!

Posted by:Bridgette | 12 March 2005 at 10:29 PM

1. What do we have in common?

Previous struggle with infertility, two losses (one miscarriage, one stillbirth), and now I'm a mom times four. Jury is out on gorgeous/divine. Depends on day.

Via links from some of your partners in crime.

Just found you, although your reputation precedes you. :-)

Love your sense of humor!

I wouldn't want to ask you to change. That would be presumptuous of me. It's your blog.

See #5.

Peterborough, Ontario, Canada.

Keep inspiring the women of the blosophere with your fabulous blog.

Posted by:Ann D | 12 March 2005 at 10:29 PM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above? I am gorgeous and divine. I am a mom.

2. How did you find me? A little pregnant.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t? Not usually.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy? I like it all.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? Nothing in particular - but I'd like to see a recent picture of you.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
I don't wish you'd shut up -- I wish you wouldn't worry so much.

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
Far away.

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice? Keep up the good work.

Posted by:blackbird | 12 March 2005 at 10:37 PM

We have a lot in common. I went thru my 1st bout of IF for 3 plus years and was successful w/IUI and injections..and then secondary IF for almost 2 years..am 6 months preggo w/#2.

I'm a police officer living in Chicago...I am a daily reader of your blog...have never commented (don't know why) and I wouldn't change a thing about it...you crack me up....I love your honesty...

You doing a great job and are truly an inspiration..try not to be so hard on yourself....

Posted by:Erin | 12 March 2005 at 10:39 PM

Motherhood.
2. How did you find me?

From A Little Pregnant

3. Do you comment? Sometimes, but only recently

I really enjoy the way you write, and I admire how blunt and honest you are on your blog. I also appreciate the way you make me think about things I don't or haven't yet encountered in my day-to-day life.

I don't think I'd want you to change a thing.

No shutting up, please!

Boston, Mass., USA

You are doing a great job. Enjoy your babies as they learn and grow!

Posted by:Lylah | 12 March 2005 at 10:39 PM

1. What do we have in common?
Being a mother, losses (I had two early losses prior to the birth of my first child)

2. How did you find me?
Who knows--a link from someone's blog from someone's blog from someone's blog . . .

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
A few times. Just warming up to the whole blogging community and started to be brave enough to comment.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
All of it! Especially that you write so frequently. I hate it when my favorite bloggers don't write for a few days (how dare they!)

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
It's all good.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
Nothing.

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
Originally from Delaware USA
Now living in Southern California

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
Don't listen to any assvice!

Posted by:Amy | 12 March 2005 at 10:43 PM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?
Losses and more losses, and finally, Motherhood.

2. How did you find me?
A link from another blog- sorry, don't remember whose?

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
Not usually - not sure if you want to here from someone who doesn't have her own blog and isn't in the "loop."

I love it that you are honest about how hard life is, but yet you keep swinging. THAT is what we have most in common.

I'd love to hear more about SA, but it isn't necessary to keep me coming back.

mmmmm, I'm not coming up with anything.

Indiana USA

If you need help with babies and reflux, I'm the gal to ask.

Posted by:Jill | 12 March 2005 at 10:46 PM

1. What do we have in common? Well, I was going to say infertility and motherhood, but then you had to throw in being gorgeous and divine.

2. How did you find me? A link somewhere on some blog that I seem to have forgotten.

3. Do you comment? Parko made me finally do it. Damn men. I seem to have done quite a few things in my life because of an irresistably cute man...

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy? You are fucking hilarious!

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? Me

6. What do you wish I would shut up about? I wasn't going to answer this one. But seriously? I don't wish you'd shut up about it, I just wish you'd stop second guessing yourself. We all do it. I do it. But you are doing a damned good job!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from? The U.S.

Posted by:margaritamomma | 12 March 2005 at 10:51 PM

Hi, Tertia! De-lurking to answer your questions:

1. What do we have in common? Like you, I have experienced a loss during a pregnancy and I'm currently dealing with the depression/fear that accompanies that. Oh, and I'm gorgeous and divine as well - can't forget that.

2. How did you find me? I found you through Google. Your blog was "cheap therapy" after my miscarriage.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t? I don't comment. I guess I enjoy learning from you and the other regular posters so much that I don't feel like I can add anything to the mix.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy? Of course I enjoy your delightful sense of humor the most! I love reading stories about the babes and your husband (b/c I didn't get a Paul either so reading those stories is like looking into a crystal ball!).

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? I'd love to hear more about South Africa and what it's like to live there.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about? Please don't shut up about anything!! It's your blog - tell us whatever you want us to hear!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from? Arkansas, USA

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice? Just thanks for being here. You make me feel less alone. Your stories about Kate and Adam make me appreciate my mom more (who adopted me after 18 years of trying to conceive) and remind me that I should help out my best friend (who just had her first babe) more, so thanks!

Posted by:Shannon | 12 March 2005 at 10:54 PM

All of the above. I'm 33, my girls are 17, 15, twins are 13 and yah, TTC again after multiple recent m/c. Feel free to question my sanity.

I found you through grrl I believe, and have fun with just about everything you write. You have a wildly appealing sense of what to take seriously vs. not, and I giggle when I see that irreverence pop through on comments on other blogs. I comment occasionally, but like many others, suffer from acute blog-envy, in that others say it so much better so much sooner.

I was born in the Philippines but have been stateside most of my life. I check in daily from Madison, Wisconsin (the state that looks like your left hand if you hold it up, keep your four fingers together with your thumb, well, where your thumb would go if you had a mitten on!).

I'd love to hear more about Marko. There's so much sadness in IF blogland sometimes, but then I read about the relationships and marriages that keep it all together and my faith is restored. More please.

No assvice, other than heads-up-even-though-I'm-sure-you-already-know-this: going back to work is reaaallllyy hard. Oy, the best of luck to you there.

Posted by:Marivic | 12 March 2005 at 10:56 PM

1. Being gorgeous and divine. - I don't have kids and don't plan to, but have followed quite a few of the infertility blogs. I'm not sure why...perhaps it's about women struggling against one of the most vicious foes. And I love that you describe yourself as gorgeous and divine!

2. I was intrigued with this person who Julie was having all the IM conversations with, so I followed the link.

3. I don't know if I have commented here...if I have it hasn't been often. Since I'm not struggling with infertility, I often don't know what to say and don't want to offer assvice.

4. I like how honest you are. You have a really unique voice and I love that you're from a part of the world I know nothing about.

5. It's your blog...write what YOU want!

6. See #6.

7. I'm from the Midwest of the US

8. I'm sure you do this, but send photos to your family often...my brother and SIL can never send me enough photos of my niece.

Posted by:Rachel | 12 March 2005 at 10:59 PM

I'm a 32-year-old nursing student.. ttc #2 for 3 long years. Blah.

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above? All of the above. I have PCOS & my hubby is a chromosome freak, we've had six early losses but a 5-year-old son to prove that even genetical freaks and PCOS queens can occasionally succeed... Of course I'm also gorgeous and divine!

2. How did you find me? Through Chez Miscarriage

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t? Everyday reader, occasional commenter. The other commenters are so witty and verbally talented, and sometimes I just don't have anything to add to what's already been said.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy? Your honesty, wittiness and the gorgeous pics of your gorgeous offspring.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? More pics! :)

6. What do you wish I would shut up about? I wish you didn't worry about your abilities as a mum so much... because you're a wonderful mum to your babies! But I guess it's hard not to worry so much, when you're as sleep deprived as you are. The lack of sleep tends to make one think crazy thoughts! :)

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
I live near the west coast of Finland

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice? Just keep going

Posted by:Minna | 12 March 2005 at 11:02 PM

Coming out of lurkdom since you asked.....
I found you through IVFC, I've been reading/posting there for almost two years. We have infertility and pregnancy loss in common(though my losses were early...) Lots of complications and bedrest during this recent pregnancy which brought me my son on January 6. Your posts have hit home especially since my baby was born. I found the first 6 weeks almost unbearably difficult and the guilt at having those feelings after loss and IF seemed too much. Your posts made me feel like I was not a monster and I thank you for that. I read religiously now and will perhaps start to post when I can.
Keep up the good work!!!

Posted by:Cas | 12 March 2005 at 11:03 PM

1. infertility but also a mom; had to see dr for 1st child; 2nd child just came along 20 months later and have since had 3 miscarriages. Not really sure I'm considered infertile but would really like to have another child.

2.I think I found you through "A little pregnant..."not sure how I found her.

3. I comment occasionally but mostly just lurk.

4. I mostly enjoy hearing about how your life is different than us Americans. Would love to travel but since I can't; I enjoy reading blogs from different places.

5. I pretty much enjoy it all; I love that you post so often.

6. Your blog--I just enjoy learning more about you.

7. Bentonville, Arkansas USA

8. Only that motherhood gets easier (physically at least) as they get older. My kids are 7 and 6 and we really enjoy each other.

Posted by:Melani | 12 March 2005 at 11:10 PM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?

Infertility, losses and Finally
motherhood.

2. How did you find me?
IVF Connections

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
Occasionally I comment, and once
sent an email.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
I love hearing everything. It's nice
to know someone feels the same as me
about things.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
Love them all!

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
NADA
7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
Albany, Oregon USA

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
Cherish everything that's happening.
You really won't believe how fast this
time goes by. Love every new thing your
babies learn to do.

Posted by:Lori | 12 March 2005 at 11:10 PM

1. We have all of the above in common, though you kick my ass in all 3 categories. It "only" took us 2 yrs., 2 surgeries, 1 mc, and 3 IUIs to get our singleton son, who is almost 2.

2. I was googling around one day in January for info on breastfeeding and stumbled across Julie's blog. (She'd posted about pumping that day.) She kept mentioning some mysterious Tertia who'd just had twins, and I finally connected your name with the "So Close" on Julie's blogroll. Your storytelling hooked me.

3. Yes, when I think my contribution might be worthwhile.

4. I love your honesty and your smart-ass-ness.

5 & 6. No wishes except keep going. This is your blog; you talk about whatever you like!

7. Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA

8. Just love your babies, yourself, and Marko, and enjoy every minute (even the hard ones). You all deserve it.

Posted by:Tine | 12 March 2005 at 11:17 PM

1. We have a world-view in common, a love of kidlets, a compassion for those who are wanting kids. I am childless, and of untested fertility as I have a husband who is not ready to have children. I am closing in on 30--so I fear for my fertility.

2. I found you through your vagina posse and them through the anxiety-filled searches I like to do on infertility.

3. I don't comment, only lurk. I sometimes think about commenting, but I really don't want to give you an earfull of untested assvice.

4. I love the honesty of this blog--I read it faithfully and rejoice in the fact that you have the babies, but feel for you because they are such a challenge. You say some things that the rest of us just sit back and think.

5. I really like the introspective posts. I like hearing how you are functioning. If Rose is still there for you, I would like to hear about her too, how she helps as the babes grow up. Also, if you feel like it, the foreign audience would like to hear about your thoughts on raising babes in post-aparthied South Africa.

6. Don't stop talking--love it all.

7. Albany, NY, USA

8. My assvice--um--no assvice from the childless except keep on as you have begun. You are a thoughtful and loving parent, the kind that every child deserves.

Posted by:Meganann | 12 March 2005 at 11:36 PM

1. All of the above

2. Someone on a board I read linked to the post announcing your last pregnancy. My If blog reading started there.

3. very occassionally. I don't like leaving my email address publicly but I don't like not being able to leave it for you only. It's an issue I have wit all blogs. I know I could just make another email address just for reading infertile blogs but I have enough email addresses already, I think blog software should allow the user to decide whether their email gets shown to the world or only the blog owner. I bed you didn't expect a diatribe on the failings of blog software now did you?

4. I enjoy your honesty and your openness to change

5. I just want you to talk about what is on your mind

6. Nothing so far

7. Sydney, Australia

8. Trust your instincts, you will know when a cry is ok and when it is not, you will sort the sleep out in good time, you will know who to trust with your babies, whose advice to believe, when to be firm and when to be all smooshy. You have shown us that you know how already. But if your book shelf is not full then my assvice is get yourself "The No Cry Sleep Solution", "Raising Your Spirited Child" (crap title for a BRILLIANT book, don't let it put you off) and maybe "Siblings Without Rivalry" (haven't read this yet as I can't seem to produce a sibling but it comes highly recommended).

Posted by:Jo | 12 March 2005 at 11:41 PM