So Close: So, tell me about YOU….

Here we are, oralling on and on about me, and I know nothing about you. How very self-centred of me.

When I started this blog, it was an outlet for my pain over losing Ben and Luke, and my fear in doing another cycle. Then it became a journal of sorts about my scary pregnancy. Lately it has become a series of really helpful conversations with some very fascinating women (and a few men). And Mollie. Who fits neither category.

I’ve bared my soul (and my underpants) to you; I’d like to know what turns you on. Well, besides me in my underpants, which frankly, would turn any one on, lets be honest.

So, tell me more about you:

Lurkers, it’s time to delurk. I want to know whom I am speaking to.

(answer all, some, none, in bullet point form, essay answers, whatever. If you don’t want to put your name, that’s fine. Just put ‘anon’ and your email as anon@anon)

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?

2. How did you find me?

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?

Don’t worry, I am not going to change the nature of my blog in order to suit certain tastes, I am still writing for myself and about my life. However I am really interested in whom I am speaking to, how on earth you found me, and what you think. The whole ‘world as a global village’ thing is so great, especially for me living in Africa. The Internet has a particularly powerful significance here.

All entries will entered into a draw and the lucky winner will win a weekend away with me. Second prize is two weekends away with Julie. Third prize, a month away with Mollie.

Looking forward to finding out who lives in my computer.

Comments

Being gorgeous and divine, of course! I'm not a mother, nor do I know if I'm fertile or not.

2. www.televisionwithoutpity.com --> hashai.com ---> alittlepregnant.com ---> you

3.I hardly ever comment, because I have no earthly idea of what you're going through, so I'm always weary of saying the wrong thing.

4. Your honesty

5. A bit more about your country.

6. Nothing. Not just saying this to be nice.

7. Aruba, Dutch Caribbean. A tiny litte island off the coast of Venezuela

8. Keep doing what you're doing.

Posted by: draadje | 12 March 2005 at 11:44 PM

1. i just had a little girl 12 weeks ago.
2. through julie :) like everyone else...
3. no i tend to luk, mainly because i have my hands full with my little one, and she lets me read but not type...
4. i really started reading when i was pregnent, wanting to hear about other pregnancies as a way to figure out my own.
5. i actually really enjoy the assvise, i find it really usefull....
6. the guilt thing tho i do understand...
7. im danish living in amsterdam, holland.
8. i wish i could ask your wonderful readers questions too - maybe an assvise box for questions and random advise and oh my god insights!

Posted by: kay | 12 March 2005 at 11:56 PM

1. The gorgeous and divine part, plus a heartfelt appreciation of the Queen's English. Colour, behaviour...you name it, I'm with you!
2. I think it was a link from Julie, originally.
3. I think I may have, once or twice, but usually I don't feel I have anything worthwhile to contribute, since I don't have any kids yet.
4. All of it. I love the honesty, and since I hope I'll have a baby of my own in a year or two (or five or six, I suppose - you've taught me to go into it with my eyes open), I feel like I'm learning a lot about the things that nobody else ever seems to mention.
5. I like it just the way it is!
6. How fat you are, when you're clearly not!
7. Hampshire, UK.
8. More pictures please! There can never be to many. And, please, one of you and the kids?

Posted by: Karin | 12 March 2005 at 11:57 PM

1. Motherhood. Being gorgeous and divine. :)

2. EmmaJane's blogroll at Barely Tenured (I'm a recovering academic!)

3. I have commented a few times. Mostly I lurk.

4. I enjoy all aspects of your gorgeous and divine blog.

5. More transcripts of Adam and Kate plotting their revolution. Actually, I think your conversations have been great.

6. Don't shut about about anything!

7. I am from upstate New York, USA.

8. Tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice: You're doing great already. I think half the battle is recognizing when you need help/don't know, etc. and seeking out what you need, which you're doing. So just keep up the great work! And keep the cute pics coming, please!

Posted by: Belphoebe | 13 March 2005 at 12:07 AM

We have in common: infertility, losing a child, scary-as-hell pregnancy, motherhood, AND being gorgeous and divine. How's that?

I think it was a link from getupgrrl. Not sure.

I do, from time to time.

I love your honesty about the difficulties you face with success -- pregnancy and motherhood is not all sweetness and light, even if you had to bust your ass to get there and even if you're profoundly grateful for it.

Huh. Not sure about that one. I like your posts.

Are you joking? If you were to shut up about anything you would be far less entertaining.

Originally, Kentucky. Now, the suburbs of Chicago.

I could come up with some baby care assvice, probably. Nothing jumps to mind right now, but I think I've left a comment or two for you with my thoughts in the past. I think you're doing a great job with your babies, though, and I agree with most of what you've done (especially with your discomfort over letting them cry -- I don't think little babies should be left to cry it out either).

Posted by: JenAtHome | 13 March 2005 at 12:07 AM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?
Being gorgeous and devine :D

2. How did you find me?
Just surfing blogs...I don't remember how exactly.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
This is the first time I have commented....I tend to lurk...

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
You are incredibly witty - and I enjoy reading your entries

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
I like it just the way it is

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
Nothing...this is your blog!!!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
California

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
You children are gorgeous and...I love your blog :D

Posted by: Amy | 13 March 2005 at 12:10 AM

1. What do we have in common?
Not very much really... I don't even know why I'm here...

Actually, it's your sense of humor that I appreciate most and your quest for motherhood. That, and not taking anything too seriously.

I am on an email list for Single Mothers by Choice. Someone mentioned your blog and I was hooked immediately. It was near the beginning of your pregnancy with Adam and Kate.

I have a couple of times, under an assumed name... :) The assumed name and the infrequent comments are because I am not a mother nor am I infertile. I haven't even started TTC yet... I'm just making plans. So I felt like I didn't really have anything valid to contribute. But I do care for a set of twins who I absolutely love! So I answered a couple of your twin questions.

Your sense of humor and your honesty.

Can't think of a thing.

I wish you would stop worrying about what we want or need to hear! :) Write what you want!

Raleigh, North Carolina

Don't be afraid to let your babies cry. Especially when you are right there tending to the other one. You can talk to them and remind them that you are there. What everyone told you early on about twins being more patient because they had to learn to wait their turn will only happen if you let it happen. (you did ask for assvice... and I'm an even bigger ass since I'm not even a mother!)

Posted by: Laura | 13 March 2005 at 12:12 AM

1) Being fabulous and divine. Oh, and we both want babies v. much--Me sometime in the future, you in the past.

2) A link from another non-mom blog I read

3) Yes, but not frequently

4) All of it. I enjoy how you write and that you are v. honest. Also, frankly, I love that you know you're wonderful and aren't afraid to say so. Too many women aren't like that.

5) Cute baby photos!

6) Nothing comes to mind

7) Denver, Colorado

8) More cute baby photos! :-)

Posted by: bond girl | 13 March 2005 at 12:13 AM

1. Infertility and mothering multiples. I'm mom to triplets, now almost 5 years old.
2. From Julie at A Little Pregnant, who I discovered in January. Now I've become hooked on about 20 blogs.
3. I think I've commented once or twice.
4. I love your openness and honesty, about the practical and emotional parts of your life. I can relate to so many of your posts for so many different reasons. You always give me something to think about.
5. I enjoy all your posts, on I/F, being a new parent, on twins, on relationships.. Talk about any old thing if it's interesting to you.
6. Don't change anything! Just keep on posting when you can.
7. Saskatchewan, Canada
8. It DOES get easier, as the babies mature a bit more, as your routines settle down, as you get used to being a parent, as you adjust to the huge changes in your life over the past year or more. Hang in there, you and Marko seem to be doing great, and the babies are (of course) Gorgeous and Divine.
Way to go!

Posted by: SheilaC | 13 March 2005 at 12:14 AM

So many questions... where shall I start? Hmmm #1 is a good place

1. What do we have in common?
Gorgeous and divine

2. How did you find me?
Thru other infertility blogs, except they've had babies now too...

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
I don't think I've ever commented here except maybe to say Adam and Kate are gorgeous. Often I feel like I don't have anything to contribute and would feel too stupid to say anything.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
I love the way you ask your friends in the computer for help; and the way you say what you feel and how you love your husband and children.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
Don't know.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
Woolies. The one near me shut down a couple of years ago and the nearest one is miles away. I'm jealous!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
I was born and grew up in Bangladesh but now I'm studying in Cambridge, UK.

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
More baby pictures!

Posted by: Sherry | 13 March 2005 at 12:16 AM

1. What do we have in common?
-- Motherhood & Being gorgeous and divine (love that phrase)

2. How did you find me?
-- i'm not sure...i think it all started off of grrl's blog, maybe.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
-- i don't think i've ever commented, mostly because i haven't had anything to add that someone else hasn't already said and probably better than i.

4. What aspects of my blog do you enjoy?
photos of the babies! so sweet!

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
more south africa!

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
n/a

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
close to NYC but in NJ.

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
nope. :)

Posted by: ann | 13 March 2005 at 12:16 AM

1. We have virtually nothing in common, except that we're both female. I'm 21, have no idea about my fertility since I've never tried, live in the Uk and I'm in a long term relationship but unmarried. Oh and we're both gorgeous and divine.

2. Through Julie's site via Chez M, which I found through a blogroll of someone on a message board I found on a yahoo pick of the day. It was around Oct - I was just browsing along like you do on a boring saturday afternoon and your story (and some others) really stuck in my head. So I came back a few times, which turned into compulsive daily lurking. And now I read about 15 IF blogs daily, including yours, and have even been known to cry at them, although I will deny that to anyone in real life ;)

3. I have commented a couple of times, mostly to congratulate you on the birth of your (gorgeous and divine) kids, but since I have no kids, and currently don't want any I have little to contribute to most posts.

4. I love your blog. I love all human stories, especially those about which I know very little. I always though infertile people should just suck it up, buy a puppy and move on and quit whining. I guess you and some others opened my eyes and for that I thank you. I love the pics of your kids (I like babies so long as they belong to someone else) and watching you learn to be a mother. It's a real priviledge to watch. And the pic of your burnt out kitchen was a classic :)

5. Not sure. Although a pic of you, husband and babies all together would be lovely.

6. Nothing, I'm ridiculously nosey and love living vicariously so anything you post is appreciated.

7. The UK.

8. Neutrogena make wonderful shampoo. Mars bars can cure a lot of problems. And don't eat the yellow snow :)

Posted by: Lurker delurking | 13 March 2005 at 12:24 AM

3 years trying, though no losses or medical assistance (too poor!). Now mom to a 13 m. old. I like to think I am also gorgeous and divine, more so when I shower.

Karen at The Naked Ovary

When you've asked for comments and I feel like I have something to say that hasn't been said by other commenters.

I like your honesty. I like seeing pics of the babies and the glimpses of your home.

Don't have any wishes, really. I wouldn't mind hearing more about SA.

Nothing. I read your blog because you'll talk about anything.

Another reader from Madison, Wisconsin, USA. We're north of Chicago--it's a tourist and farming state. No, I don't eat cheese with every meal (a common stereotype).

Since you asked :-): Remember that these are YOUR babies, and that what you think is best is what is important. They grow up too fast to spend time worrying about whether they *should* sleep through the night by now or whether you should be skinny again by now. What I already miss is the cuddling to sleep--my daughter just started doing it again after she had surgery and it is blissful now. I wish I had appreciated it more when she was littler. And know that you are doing a very good job from where I sit in front of a computer screen on the other side of the world.

Posted by: Carrie | 13 March 2005 at 12:31 AM

1. What do we have in common?
All of the above.

2. How did you find me?
I think through Julie? I started reading IF blogs after my second miscarriage and got hooked on everyone's stories.

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t?
Very occasionally - usually 12 people have said what I was going to by the time I get here!

4. What aspects of my blog do you enjoy?
All of it, really - your honesty, sense of humor, baby photos, the whole thing.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
It's your blog - whatever you want!

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
ditto

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from?
California, USA

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?

Well, since you asked... :-) My son's a little older than your kids, and until very recently I had the same attitude toward crying as you do. I'm still not a CIO advocate or anything, so don't be frightened, but it turns out that he likes to pitch a screamer about 30 seconds before he falls asleep. By picking him up when he started crying, I was actually preventing him from getting to sleep. I've since found out this is pretty common - all babies are different, of course, but damn, I wish someone would have told me this was a possibility three months ago. So I'm telling you just in case.

Posted by: mercybuttercup | 13 March 2005 at 12:38 AM

1. What do we have in common?
infertility.
and coloUr, nappies, alumINium etc

2. How did you find me?
your IVF barbie post. ROFLMFAO and i was hooked from there. it was from you that i found getupgrrl and a little bit pg, the other 2 blogs i read daily (and also that i found the whole IFblogsphere. but now i just stick to my fave 3).

3. Do you comment?
no, i'm shy.
i'm only answering this time because you appealed directly to lurkers, and also so you'd see that some people found YOU as their gateway into IF blogs, and that even though your blog is no longer about IF directly that it doesnt mean that IF ppl dont still want to read it.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
i really appreciate your great writing and wicked sense of humour and your honesty about the nasty things. that's why i still read your blog despite the fact that i have given up ttc. your writing trancends personal situations. i read you now because i want to know more about your story, not because we were both going through IVF (even though that was why i started reading). and you give me hope that happy endings sometimes do still exist, even if i don't believe i'll ever achieve it myself.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
so long as i get my regular fix i dont care what you say. whatever is relevant to you. even if its "too busy with screaming babies to blog today. leave me alone i have a life!" then i am still satisfied.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
pls dont shut up about anything. i love that you will tackle issues others would have shut up about. its important and valuable, so keep it up!

7. Where are you from?
sydney, australia

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
adorations aplenty

Posted by: Toria | 13 March 2005 at 12:38 AM

1. In common we have: m/c, annovulatory cycles, and infertility. What we don't: I am neither gorgeous or divine. I am fat and somewhat plain.

2. I think that I first found you on Grrl's blog.

3. I have commented several times. It was much more harrowing to comment while waiting on the babies. I had so much hope for you to have healthy babies in January.

4. Luke and Ben's pages and posts. I also like to hear and see you and all your family. I read your whole blog right after I found you.

5. What do I wish you would write about? I really like the place you are in now. You are not as hung up on doing everything "Type-A, perfect" You are coming into your own as a MOM. Not everyone has to do that with an audience. You don't really win the game, you just survive it. I would like to see your plans and changes as you go back to work.

6. I wish you would shut up about how you are not doing this mother thing correctly because you are doing just fine.

7. Right outside of Atlanta, GA.

8. Assvice? I am full of it. I try not to repeat it if my comments are the same as a bunch of others. If I can be helpful to you at all, I would love to be. As for suggestions, keep the lovely pics coming. However, where are the post-baby Tertia pics?

Posted by: Kim | 13 March 2005 at 12:46 AM

1. As far as I know, we barely have anything in common. I am 22 and can't wait to be a mother some day but now is definitely not the time.

2. I really can't remember how I found you. Just clicking on links of other blogs and so on. I think I found your blog last July and just had to keep reading, hoping so badly that everything goes well for Adam and Kate (and you and Marko).

3.I have commented two or three times, but since I am not a mom and have no experience with infertility, I tend to stay quiet, read and learn. When I feel that I have something to contribute, I comment.

4. Really, I love it all. I feel like I have learned a lot from you about dealing with your lot in life, regardless of what it may be and also what it is like to be a new mother. It's not everyday you get to follow someone's story so close and personal and from the beginning.

5. Just keep up what you are doing. This is great stuff. (Maybe the long-awaited pic of you with the babes?)

6. Your blog, you write whatever you want to.

7. I grew up in Washington, DC and now live in Vienna, Austria.

8. I am so sure that I will think back to many things you have said in the future. And you have often inspired me to ask my own mother questions about parenting I had never thought about. Did she let us cry it out? Were we good or bad sleepers? How did my dad handle babies? Even if I may not be a mom now, I would rather ask now, who knows what the future holds, and how long my treasured mom will be around. And, in large part thanks to you, I have a much more realistic idea of what the first months with a baby are -really- like. Thanks for it all! (And please never stop.)

Posted by: Catharina | 13 March 2005 at 12:54 AM

1. What do we have in common? Infertility? Motherhood? Being gorgeous and divine? All of the above?Motherhood and infertility, although not in the same order as you in my case.

2. How did you find me? I came to you via Julie, following your comments on her site

3. Do you comment? If yes, thanks! If no, how come you don’t? Sometimes. Although I don't always know if I say the right thing.

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy? Your frankness. If any prospective mother reads this, she can be sure she's getting the real McCoy. I just wish I'd had the energy to write a blog when my babies were very small.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? Whatever direction you choose for them. It's your site.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about? Nothing. See question 5.

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from? England, although we were living in Canada when I first started reading last year.

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice? Take the time to smell the roses along the way.

Posted by: e | 13 March 2005 at 01:08 AM

1. The gorgeous and divine bit. :^) I myself am not infertile, but my stepsis is, and I became her egg donor, and am now donating for someone else, becuase that was such a fulfilling experience. I guess I should say Sis *was* infertile, as she's pregnant now!!!

2. From Julie at A Little Pregnant. And I put you in an online lit review! I got an A on the paper!

3. I usually don't, becuase for some reason Netscpe does not like your comment form and won't let me. If I'm on a computer with IE, then I comment.

4. Babies. Bragging about babies. Bitching. Bragging about bitching.

5. More bitching. :^)

6. Worrying about being a good mother - you're terrific, the best mommy for those babies, and the best person for your own self!

7. New Mexico, USA, although I live in Illinois now.

8. Tell me how your skin was so pretty in your photograph? Also, what's SA like? Why are you down there?

Posted by: BeckaJ | 13 March 2005 at 01:11 AM

Hey there, I'm too lazy to answer all your questions so neatly, but here are a few: I found you through the usual suspects in blogland, (Karen/Naked Ovary is my main homey). I mostly lurk since I am in the process of adoption from Kazakhstan, so I have very little to say about pregnancy or motherhood (yet). I love your honesty, especially the brutal truth about being a mom and all that goes with it. It's helping me to prep for my own personal culture shock, due to occur, in, ah...6 months or less. Yikes. You are also extremely funny, which is always appreciated. Oh, and I am from NH. Love your blog. Don't change a thing.

Posted by: Heidi | 13 March 2005 at 01:19 AM

Things we have in common...IF, both moms to twins, I obsessed about all the same newborn things. Same sense of humor...I laugh out loud all the time reading your blog.

Found chezmiscarriage thru Resolve, thru that blog found Julie and thru Julie found you (then realized you were on IVFConn). Only 3 blogs I read.

I only started commenting after the twins were born...to give assvice.

No complaints or suggestions about the blog contents.

I live in a suburb of NYC. One of my best guy friends used to live in South Africa so I'm interested in that angle too!

Posted by: ellen | 13 March 2005 at 01:19 AM

All of the above!

Don't remember........seems like it was actually through Cecily, though...

Not usually, by the time my kids give me 5 minutes' time to sit down and read the post has been up for a while and there are tons of comments~

Pictures of Marko.........no, I'm only KIDDING, I really love pictures of your kids! And hearing about Africa, although I am rather jealous of your warm weather!

?? I enjoy everything

Not a thing, I like that you let it all hang out!

Tiny little Bridgewater, Virginia, USA

Not much, only that you need to trust your instincts as Kate and Adam's mother. Mothers really DO know best!!

Posted by: whitney | 13 March 2005 at 01:20 AM

1. Motherhood. I have a 2-month old baby girl. My sister is going through fertility treatments now.

2. Through someone's blog link about "scary infertile women who blog". How rude! Then I found you, grrl, etc. and realized that you and the VP are some of the strongest people I have ever had the chance to read about.

3. Sometimes I comment. But other times I don't, because I see that you already have 100 comments, and think that no one will read mine! :-)

4. Pictures! Your excellent writing and sense of humor. (I think your Baby v. 1.0 post should be published in print!)

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about? I would love to have you post more about life in South Africa, what your city is like, your family history in Africa, any social issues that interest you? Sorry to sound super-nosy, just curious.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about? Nothing, girl!

7. I am fascinated by all the different places we are from. Where are you from? I am American, but live with my Japanese husband in Tokyo.

Posted by: Anon | 13 March 2005 at 01:22 AM

1. What do we have in common?
IF, motherhood, gorgeosity, divinity

2. How did you find me?
TLOL, waaaaaay back

3. Do you comment?
Uh, maybe a little too much?

4. What aspects of my blog (if any) do you enjoy?
Everything, down to the last vowel. I love it when you're funny, when you're puzzling things out, when you describe the babies.

5. What do you wish our conversations were more about?
I like the controversy, but enjoy your perspective above all.

6. What do you wish I would shut up about?
Hey, it's your blog. Say what you like.

7. Where are you from?
Montana, USA

8. Lastly, any tips, suggestions, adorations or pieces of assvice?
Thanks for all of it, T. I still have that pinch-me feeling about your motherhood--what a joy it is to participate in and celebrate, even in this distant, limited way.

Posted by: Kam | 13 March 2005 at 01:28 AM

I have to admit I am a lurker. I found your blog via Janis, have gone back and read your history to get a better understanding of who you are. I have older children (20 - daughter)(15 - son who died by impulse suicide last Mar). I am enjoying reading about your kids and your outlook. It has brought back many memories of when Rowen and David were babies.

Haven't responded to any of your posts, but I do think you are a wonderful parent, and don't worry, do whatever works for you.

Live in beautiful Victoria, British Columbia (http://www.tourismvictoria.com/)(or British California as my brother calls it), Canada, city of gardens, Canada's best bloom'in city, city of the newlyweds and nearly deads, all in all, wouldn't live anywhere else in Canada.

Thanks for helping with the memories.
Louise

Posted by: Louise | 13 March 2005 at 01:29 AM