This is going to sound completely fucked up. I realized the other day that there is something I miss about the whole IVF run-around I went through. And before you cart me off to the loony bin or accuse me of being secretly in love with my Dr (which is actually no secret at all ;-) ), let me explain.
Most of infertility is completely fucking terrible. Horrible beyond compare. But there was a part of it that perfectly suited an odd little quirk of mine, and that is that it became a project, an obsession, a calling if you will. I did infertility with passion, with commitment, with addiction. It was my life, my focus, it defined my friends and my (cyber) social life. It became my area of study, my field of expertise. And I was damn good at it. It was horrible, it was terrible, but it was my project.
And now that project is finished, and I find myself at a bit of a loss for my next project.
I realized that I love having projects – I need projects. I need to obsess about something, to focus on something, to study it, became good at it. I am ever so slightly obsessive compulsive, just ever so slightly.
I’ve had projects around gym’ing and dieting – and I’ll end up looking like Anorexic Barbie because I go completely overboard.
The problem is that my projects are not always wholesome. I’ve had some bad (but omg, what a lot of fun) projects.
I need a new project. And yes, the babes are my priority, of course they are, but they aren’t a project as such, they are a lifetime thing. A forever thing. They don’t meet the requirements of being a project (a total immersion to the point of obsession on something for a fixed period of time).
No, I need a project. And I need one quickly. Or else I will end up with a project that might not be v good. And when I am bad, I am v bad.
(Luckily for me, I might just have a project coming up that could be v v v good. I am meeting someone on the 4th Nov to discuss it. I’ll fill you in then. V exciting stuff! Watch this space.)