This is
one of those times I ask a question with a slight cringe, anticipating that I
might not get the answer I like. But I
do want to know your opinion. I might
not change my behaviour, but I would still like to know.
Do you
think that children should be seen and not heard in public? And when you give me your answer, I would be
interested to know whether you have small children, grown children or no
children. I am interested to hear how that does (or doesn’t) influence your
opinion.
My
children are quite loud. Especially the
boy child. When he talks, he talks at
full volume. It doesn’t worry me at all,
but Marko is forever saying “shh, stop making so much noise” when we are
out. Marko was brought up very much in
the ‘seen and not heard’ way.
I’ll give
you some examples: yesterday I was with
the kids at Baby City (a store selling baby goods, not babies, unfortunately.
Would be so much more convenient). Anyway, Adam was on the one side of the shop (like an open warehouse
kind of place) looking at toys and I was at the other side looking at sippy bottles. So he asks me (in his booming voice) “Mom,
can we buy this toy?” and I answer “No”
across the room. He says “why not” and I
tell him “because it is too expensive”. We are having a conversation across the store. Not shouting, but clearly not whispering.
I often
walk around the shop with both of them in the shopping cart, having long and
obviously louder-than-whisper conversations. Again, not shouting or screaming but we sing, and talk and dance and
laugh in the shop. I couldn’t care less
what other people think. We always have
fun when we go out and everything is an adventure. Even going to buy groceries.
Another
example: We were having breakfast at a café.
It is one of many in a big open air courtyard type thing. Tables outside and a little fountain
nearby. The kids normally play around
near the fountain and parents and other big people sit at the tables having
breakfast. My kids laugh and talk loudly
to each other, playing around. NOT screaming
and not running around causing havoc, but also not sitting quietly reading a
book. I think it is perfectly fine and
Marko thinks that they should be quiet. He says that other people don’t want to have to hear them, my point is
that it is an open air, casual place and if the other people want peace and
quiet, they should go to a grown up place. I would never take my kids to a grown up
restaurant, because when I want a grown up meal, I don’t want kids running
around disturbing my meal. But if I go
to a casual café, I should expect it will be noisy. I actually don’t like going out to eat with
Marko and the kids because he gets so uptight. I am always so stressed that he is going to get stressed if the kids
talk loudly etc. Pain! (BTW, I know I
have been moaning about him a lot lately, but I do actually love him, very
much. Especially at the moment, seeing as he is away on business hehehe!)
I know I am
a bit of a soft (ill disciplined?) parent, but my feeling is children are
children only once. They are not army
interns to be broken down and forced into military like obedience. I do not think they are entitled to run wild
and be brats, but if they want to laugh and talk loud, why not. They are children.
I know
that some people don’t approve because I do get disapproving looks
sometimes. Often from the older
generation. But I also get lots of
smiles, so I know it doesn’t piss everyone off.
What do
you think? So you tell your children to
talk softly, sit still and behave or do you let your children laugh and talk
freely? Should children be free to be childlike,
or should they be seen and not heard when in public?
PS Re Adam's binki / paci / dummy in the last pic –
Kate still has one too. Both my kids still
have dummies. They are only supposed to have it for sleeping and in the car. I said when they were two,
I would take it away. That changed to
three. It is now four. They might keep them forever. Told you I am a soft, ill disciplined
mother. My children will clearly grow up
to be (loud) axe murderers.
