When you are infertile the last thing you want is advice or tips from any one, especially fertile people or even infertiles who are now pg. So this is not an advice post, these are just the things that kept me relatively sane and functioning through out my 4.5 years of infertility. Every body is different, use them, don’t use them, perhaps some might help.
Your loyalty lies to yourself first
One of the things I learnt is that life is too short, and sometimes too damn hard, to do things because of social niceties or obligations. Baby showers, parties, dinner invitations, all of these, only go when you want to go, when you feel you can deal with the situation or the company, and if you are feeling too fragile DON’T GO. They don’t NEED you to be there. They would like you to, but they don’t NEED you to. Sometimes you need to protect your own heart more than you need to do the ‘right’ thing. The right thing for you is to look after yourself.
The way I judge things is who has the greater NEED. If your pg sister or friend is in a bad way and needs you there, you will be there, I know. But if your pg sister or friend WANTS you to listen to her talk about the pg, well I am afraid your need not to listen is greater. When a really good friend of mine got pg on her first IVF I said to her “I need not to talk to you for a while, I’ll be back, but for now I need to stay away”. She understood, I did come back and things are great between us. But in the beginning, I needed not to be around her for a while.
Decide whether you are in or out the closet.
The advantage of being out the closet is that your friends and family know and hopefully understand why you don’t attend baby showers etc. Your potentially anti-social behaviour becomes a little more understandable. My friends and family gave me a lot of leeway because they knew of my situation. If there was a lunch or some do they would say “I would love you to come but be warned there will be lots of kids and babies there”. That way I could decide whether I was up to it or not, and they understood.
The disadvantage of being out the closet is that you have 754 million people who you let down each time you have a negative, or so it feels. Instead of one phone call to your husband telling him of the negative, you have to make 80 phone calls. There is a downside. Perhaps limit the amount of detail you share.
Educate those around you.
The more your family and friends understand about your situation, the easier it is for you. Even if it is just sending them this link at least they might hopefully be a bit more sensitive. If we can get just one person to stop saying ‘just relax’ we will have helped the sisterhood.
Educate yourself.
I swear I could practically do my own cycles if it wasn’t for retrieval and transfer. I found that educating myself made me feel a little more in control. And control is so hard to come by in this process. But beware of the old adage ‘a little knowledge is a dangerous thing’. Don’t google yourself into a frenzy. No you do not have all of those scary problems you have just discovered on the net. Discuss your theories with your Dr and online friends.
Get online support.
A genuine sanity saver for me has been getting online support through bulletin boards etc. I have met the most amazing people and made some life saving friendships. It is such a relief to be with people who get it. To be able to bare your soul to kindred spirits. Go online, there are many many bulletin boards and support groups, each in different flavours to suit your personality. Some all happy skippy and positive, others filled with cynical humour and the occasional swear word. Find one where you feel at home.
But leave when it gets too hard to stay.
Hopefully you will be among the first or even majority to get pg, but if you are one of the last few and it hurts to stay, leave. Find another support group for people who have perhaps been around a little longer. Remember, your loyalty lies with YOU first. I’ve left a few support groups as the last man standing, and still managed to keep a few of the friendships. Don’t hang around pg people, even former infertiles, unless you WANT to. Remember, it’s you first. They are pg for goodness sake, they are happy.
Get help if you need it.
About two years into the process I hit a particularly bad period, where the sadness, pain, bitterness etc was threatening to consume me. I had cut myself off from every one and the overriding emotion I had was anger. I was filled with a dark rage against every one and every thing. It was an impotent rage, as there was no one I could direct it at, and no solution in sight. That was my darkest time. It was then that I finally bowed down to gentle pressure from my family to go see ‘someone’. A therapist, a psychologist or whatever. I didn’t want to go, I thought ‘what’s it going to help? I’ll walk in there infertile and I will walk out infertile, speaking to some quack wont change my reality’. And it doesn’t change your reality, that’s right, but it can help you deal with that reality. I ended up being diagnosed as clinically depressed (no shit Sherlock!) and was asked if I would like to go on anti-depressants. Again I rebelled at the diagnosis and the need for pills. But thank God I took them, literal lifesavers those wonderful pills. What a relief not to be so furiously angry the whole time. They don’t change your reality, they don’t make you not sad, or obliviously happy. It’s just that the pain, sadness and anger no longer threaten to overwhelm you. They are there, but so so much more manageable. I could concentrate more so I did much better at work, I actually managed to laugh again, I slept much better at night and one of the best side effects was I lost weight. Ok you are not supposed to get excited about that, but come on, losing weight, YAY!!! Prozac and its generics are safe to take while cycling, TTC and even while pg. And remember you might have to kiss a few frogs (therapists) before you find your prince. Some therapists are assholes, move on from them.
Take breaks between cycles.
For various reasons. Mentally, physically etc. From a physical point of view I firmly believe your body needs a break from the terrible stress of a cycle. My worst cycles have been those that were done back to back. From my second IVF I decided to take three month breaks between cycles, best decision for me. It felt like a holiday, knowing that for three months I could live like a normal person, drink wine, have fun etc. Emotionally and mentally it does wonders, and I found my response was so much better. Don’t let the loudly ticking (screaming) clock rush you into doing cycle after cycle. Even if you take just a month or two as a break.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Yes, apparently some people do conceive on their first IVF, or even their second. Unfortunately not all of us do. Don’t compare yourself to other infertiles or even worse, fertiles! It will get you nowhere. That’s them, you might be different. Compare yourself to me, you will always come off better ;-)
Don’t EVER consider yourself less worthy.
Remember child abusers, murderers and drugs addicts get pg. So getting pg is certainly not about worthiness. If it was we would all get pg easily, because we are damn fine, strong, intelligent, not too bad looking women. Clearly intellect is not a requirement in getting pg. Or else those dumbasses would be infertile. I know some pretttty thick fertile people. (and of course some pretty cool ones as well)
Being infertile is not your fault, or because of something that you did in the past. Even if your diagnosis is blocked tubes caused by your wanton past – please! How many mothers today weren’t big bonkers in their day. If every one who shagged around or had an abortion in their past was punished by being infertile, there would be a whole lot more of us around. STOP blaming yourself. Gets you nowhere.
Also never doubt your femininity or womanhood on your reproductive ability. Being able to have a shag and get knocked up doesn’t define femininity. Last time I checked the requirement for being categorized as being female meant having XX chromosomes, not a sparkling uterus and shiny eggs.
Doing IVF is nothing to be embarrassed about.
In fact I am actually damn proud that I did IVF to get pg. My husband feels the same. It shows our strength and determination to reach our goal. I mean, really, having sex to get pg, how Last Season!
Also, don’t be embarrassed about how many IVF’s you’ve done. Who cares!!! Some people might think you are obsessive (so what??) or that you don’t know when to stop. WRONG. You might not know exactly when you will stop, but you know it is not with this IVF, not right now. You do as many as you want to do. I applaud you for your determination and strength. If you only want to do one, that’s your choice. I honestly don’t give a flying fuck what other people think of my efforts. Let them walk in my shoes and then we can talk.
Decide on how many different versions your happily ever after could take.
For some people any thing beyond sex is too much. For others IVF is a step they wont consider. Every one is different, but the most liberating thing for me was the decision that I would do whatever to have a child, if it meant DE, adoption, whatever. Never having to face the end of the road helped me stay on the road. This is not for every one. That’s ok, between you and your husband decide on how far you are prepared to go, it makes the process seem less endless.
Always have a Plan B.
This one kept me sane. I was so anal about having a plan B that at the beginning of each cycle I had the money saved up and time allocated for the next one. It made the negative just a bit easier to deal with knowing that I had a back up plan, something to look forward to, in a warped kind of way. Again, trying to wrest some semblance of control in this crazy chaotic situation.
Don’t live like a nun.
Drug addict teenagers get pg while jumping on trampolines. Ok, I am not the best example to follow (no self control and an overwhelming fondness for wine and cigarettes), but seriously, take those breaks between cycles and eat sushi, drink wine, bonk for fun and just be ‘normal’ for a while. When I first started I stopped smoking, drinking, having caffeine etc. My body was my temple and all that crap. Well it got me nowhere and after about two years of that crap (I was never good at denying myself) I thought fuck that, if I am going to be infertile I might as well enjoy what I can. So drank wine again, had the occasional smoke (ok more than occasional) and had fun. And had the best cycles since starting. My 100% implantation rate last cycle (4/4) and this cycle (2/2) was done drinking wine through out stims and the odd smoke. Ok, don’t follow my example but get the gist of it, going through this shit is hard enough with out having to live like a nun.
Husband stuff.
I don’t have much advice on this but I know it is important. I was very fortunate that our trials brought us closer together, it doesn’t always work that way. I am sure other people can give you better advice here, suppose like talking or whatever. What worked for me was I took charge and he pitched up when told. I preferred not to have him too involved lest he see how completely obsessed I really was or how much money it was costing us. What you don’t know and all that. But that was what worked for us, we are odd. But make sure you and your husband are on the same page. This infertility shit can wreck a marriage quicker than an affair.
Be kind to yourself
Infertility is effin hard. It sucks, it is effin unfair. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. So you are allowed to be sad, to cry, to shout, to feel sorry for yourself. You don’t have to be brave and strong all the time. Get help, go online and chat to your online buddies. It’s hard, but you don’t have to be alone in this. Do what works for you.
Don’t develop amnesia
When you eventually succeed, or decide to get off the roller coaster, don’t develop amnesia and forget what it was like to still be struggling. Don’t say things like “it WILL happen for you” (How the hell do you know?) etc. Remember the big difference between those who have succeeded and those still trying is that those who have succeeded know. They know there is a (happy) ending to their journey. The journey is finite. Those still trying don’t know. They don’t know if they will ever succeed. Remember that it’s hard to be around pg people, even if the person struggled for ages and did 6 million IVF’s. You are pg, they are not. Remember that and be sensitive. Sometimes it means telling the person you are there for them but will wait for them to contact you, when they feel strong enough.
Lastly, remember life is too short (and too hard) to do stuff you don’t want to do. Stop trying to please other people, look after yourself. Who cares what other people think, if they love you they will understand, if not, who needs them? Surround yourself with real friends, not drains on your energy and mental sanity. And if you can’t do something (go somewhere, attend something) just say “I’m sorry but I can’t, it is just too hard for me”. Do you have any idea how liberating it is to say those words? The listener can do with it what he or she wants. You’ve been honest, more you can’t do.
It’s taken me more than four years to learn these lessons, I wasn’t always like this. But it is easier being like this than it was when I first started. But everyone is different, do what feels right for you.
Good luck to every one, may all your dreams come true, one way or another. I wish I had the elusive magic wand, because I would grant you all of your wishes in a heartbeat.
Tertia, you really need to either put that into a pamphlet for the Fertility Center waiting rooms (I've never read anything so honest and helpful at the very place it should be available) or expand it into a book.
That was excellent - thank you.
Posted by: buttercup | 03 October 2004 at 08:52 PM
You really need to write a book on IF and put this as chapter 1. Have you ever thought about becoming a counselor for couples going through IF? Really, I'm serious.
Great stuff!
Posted by: StacyG | 03 October 2004 at 09:27 PM
Tertia,
That was an amazing post. Thank you. Just when I really needed it.
Posted by: Emily | 03 October 2004 at 09:34 PM
BRAVO!!!!! Excellent post!
Will you marry me?
xxx
Posted by: Danae | 03 October 2004 at 10:00 PM
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Posted by: Amanda | 03 October 2004 at 10:13 PM
I. LOVE. YOU. As someone who is *finally* (big sigh of relief here) about to start the whole treatment process in order to do IVF, this is just what I needed to hear. I'll definitely be sharing this w/the hubby, and anyone else whom I feel is being an asshat about my cycle (not that hubby is an asshat...ok, well, not today...but I just want to share this w/him).
Mwah!! (big sloppy kiss)
Nat
Posted by: Nat1026 | 03 October 2004 at 11:12 PM
Tertia, I've been a lurker on your blog, since Ben. And I have to say, that reading your blog, has helped me through my dark times of dealing with 2 chemical IVF cycles. There have been times when I've laughed and cried at the same time.
You really should write a book! You know exactly how to express your feelings, and not many people can do that.
Thank you for getting me out of lurker mode.
Mely
Posted by: Mely | 04 October 2004 at 01:45 AM
Thank you for the wonderful post. It definitely made me think about my actions...or lack there of.
Posted by: Toni | 04 October 2004 at 01:53 AM
I was feeling at an all time low. That post helped. Good timing!
Posted by: becky | 04 October 2004 at 09:56 AM
Delurking to say that is simply perfect. I needed this today especially. I've printed it up and will take it home to post on the fridge (where all important documents seem to go in our house).
You are brilliant. Seriously, you really should consider a career move (even though you love your tech geek--your words, not mine--career) into counseling infertile couples or writing a book on surviving IF.
You continue to inspire me in so many ways. Thank you.
Posted by: Dee | 04 October 2004 at 02:59 PM
Great post. Write a book - you have enough time on your hands :) for now...
Posted by: Jessica | 04 October 2004 at 05:03 PM
Good stuff!! Fantastic!! Well said! Three cheers! you get the idea
Posted by: Kristine | 04 October 2004 at 05:27 PM
Tertia,
You've said the things I've only thought about. I love you for saying it. ((hugs)) Really I do. It means so much to me.
Maricar
Posted by: maricar | 04 October 2004 at 07:36 PM
To ditto what everyone else has said, seriously, write a book.
I mean, you're on bed rest....what other fascinating, enlightening things do you have to do?! ;)
Not being infertile myself (that I know of), the variety of blogs I've found online (grrl, julie, julia, the other julie, you, oliva, etc) has really opened my eyes to the scourge that is infertility. You would do your sisterhood a great service to publish your wisdom.
And just maybe fertiles (like me) will pick it up as they wander B&N with their three children (not like me), peruse a few pages, become incredibly shamed and never give assvice again.
Think of the good you'd do!
Posted by: concertina | 04 October 2004 at 08:35 PM
I am delurking to say your blog has bumped INCIID to number #2 on my list of Sites I Visit Daily.
I am eternally barren. My IVF's didn't work. My asswipe of a husband recently abandoned me for a younger, thinner, fertile model. I see that you already have many pending proposals of marriage, but please add me to your list of Women I'd Considering Marrying If Marko's Evil Alter-Ego Decides to Surface Permanently Making Him No Longer Suitable As a Husband.
Truly! I'd make a great father!
xoxo from across the world,
Vicki
Posted by: vicki | 04 October 2004 at 08:40 PM
Yet another brilliant post that 1) I wish I had written, 2) should be required reading for my family, friends, and everyone else on this planet, and 3) which made my day so much better. Thanks Tertia.
Posted by: Dana | 04 October 2004 at 11:10 PM
This is so fucking brilliant. Seriously--publish this.
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl | 04 October 2004 at 11:51 PM
Thank you so very much for your post. It didn't feel like advice I was reading, just knowledge being passed along from someone who gets it.
Wonderful. Refreshing.
Posted by: moogielou | 05 October 2004 at 02:18 AM
This is wonderful.
I love all of your blog, but if you had only posted one thing in your life, and this was it, I would love you forever.
You are amazing.
Posted by: Menita | 05 October 2004 at 02:42 AM
Word.
So SO well said.
Wow I paid for lots of counseling when I could have just read this instead!
Best wishes and thank you.
Posted by: dana | 05 October 2004 at 03:13 AM
This is a major gift to infertiles everywhere. I am going to print this and tape it to my wall. Or put it in my palm pilot. Or maybe have it etched onto my eyeballs. You get the idea. Brilliant, helpful, kindly words, Tertia. You rock.
Posted by: lobster girl | 05 October 2004 at 05:01 AM
Brilliant post. Thanks!
Posted by: la gringa | 05 October 2004 at 01:30 PM
This is awesome. I got to the Don't Feel Less Worthy and you know me......but you wrote this all so well. I agree, you should write a book, you have such a talent for saying what so many others think and what so many others NEED to know!
Posted by: Charmaine | 05 October 2004 at 09:10 PM
Thank you for this
Posted by: Trish | 06 October 2004 at 04:24 AM
Beautiful post.
Hows the house arrst going?
Are you still available on your norml email ad? Drop me a mail sometime so I know you are still okay.
Posted by: Sheena | 06 October 2004 at 03:36 PM
What a kind, thoughtful and well spoken person you are.
I have a good friend who is at the beginning of this slippery road and I'm going to send her this link now...
Posted by: patricia | 06 October 2004 at 05:16 PM
What a kind, thoughtful and well spoken person you are.
I have a good friend who is at the beginning of this slippery road and I'm going to send her this link now...
Posted by: patricia | 06 October 2004 at 05:19 PM
Well you really tell it like it is! So, so, so true. The having a Plan B one is really crucial for me... Thank you, I think I will be reading this many times.
Posted by: Alana | 07 October 2004 at 04:26 AM
You words are amazing. Thank you so much for making me feel better about all the thoughts that I am having as I go through the process. There are only a few people in the world that know EXACTLY how I feel - and you are definitely one of them. Thanks for your honesty and making me feel that I am NOT crazy. I truly appeciate the time and effort you took to put your experience in words. Thank you.
Posted by: Anna | 22 June 2005 at 05:37 PM
Reading Tertia's article in Shape June edition really brought me back to relaity. Having undergone AI and IVF since the beginning of last year, I am slowly starting to lose faith. Yet, as I have a goal in having another child, I need to forge on. Reading all the info that has been posted was very enlightening. To be quite honest, I don't know how many IVF treatments I have had and I cant really remember hpow many AI's. One clearly poignant moment was falling pregnant naturally earlier on this year and for a brieg moment I was ecstatically happy. However, joy short lived, I miscarried a few weeks later. But I know that I will succeed, I just pray and hope every month that this will be the month. Thank you Tertia, for your absolute honesty - goes a long way in helping another mom in the making.
Posted by: Nicole van Vuuren | 17 July 2005 at 07:26 PM
Hi Tertia,
I'm from Singapore and I chanced upon your blog today while doing a yahoo search on 'God's words about infertility'. I've been on this journey since I wed 6 years ago and lost a dear baby son to premature birth last Oct. Now, as I struggle to come to terms with his 1st death anniversary, I am so touched to read your insights. Indeed, it's true that we owe loyalty to ourselves. Why must I celebrate other people's PG and coo over their newborns when I'm hurting like a wretch inside? Why must I act tough when what they have are what I yearn so much for?
Your blog has been a source of strength for me. May God bless you and your two little ones. P.S. It's my secret desire to be a mummy of twins too - double the joy!
Posted by: Angeline Sim | 22 September 2005 at 02:28 AM
Tertia...You definitely need to put this into a pamphlet for Fertility Clinic/Centre waiting area all over the world!!!!!It was great reading your blog,especially after without any good reason we have to terminate our IVF cycle because my body just didn't react to the treatments!This is just what anyone need to read when they go through an IVF...1...2..3.
Thanks a million and all the best.
Posted by: Winny | 25 October 2005 at 06:17 AM
Tertia
u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!
Posted by: Veronica Lodge | 25 November 2005 at 07:27 PM
Tertia
u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!
Posted by: Veronica Lodge | 25 November 2005 at 07:28 PM
Tertia
u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!
Posted by: Veronica Lodge | 25 November 2005 at 07:28 PM
Tertia
u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!
Posted by: Veronica Lodge | 25 November 2005 at 07:28 PM
Tertia
u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!
Posted by: Veronica Lodge | 25 November 2005 at 07:28 PM
just love this site. someone has just posted your link on fertility friends and i popped in as i am waiting for american idol to start!! you must write a book on how to survive infertility. i am pregnant but the way you write reminds me just what a bitch that journey is.
keep writing...
fran
Posted by: fran from london | 20 January 2006 at 10:16 PM
A good read, and thanx. Not entirely directed at males but anyway, i'll sift through it as much as possible :)
Any idea of support groups etc for males ??
Posted by: Ralph | 08 February 2006 at 11:21 AM
I always love these posts because it reminds me to think as sensitively as I can.
Most of my friends are certainly nowhere near the child-wanting stage, we're all 19 and 20, but I know some women older than me who have struggled to get pg, and I am so glad I've found you and Julie and Grrl and Danae because you've schooled me in What To Do So I Don't Suck.
Posted by: Jen | 11 February 2006 at 01:53 AM
I found this post on a day when I really needed the advice. What a great post . . . thanks for having it out here. Many, many thanks!
Posted by: Beagle | 27 February 2006 at 07:24 AM
Thanks Tertia for this post. I only found it now...but I guess it never goes out of fashion! I linked it on my blog under the "written by others" category. Wise words.
Thanks again! And I really do love your blog, mostly what you write, but I also love the pics of Adam and Kate. They are so adorable!
Nina
Posted by: One Half | 14 April 2006 at 10:39 PM
I just came across your blog and I just needed to say Thank you.
Posted by: Angela | 21 April 2006 at 04:10 AM
Tertia,
This is absolutely what I needed to hear. Thank God for the Internet, which can bring the voice of reason and comfort to the U.S. from South Africa. Thank you!
-Kay
Posted by: Kay | 27 April 2007 at 06:22 PM
This is a great blog, very informative and interesting. Thanks :)
Posted by: Infertility | 22 May 2007 at 04:56 AM
Tertia
Your blog makes me feel so much better about myself, so much less obsessed about being 'perfect', whatever that is. You say it like it is, which is just what I and all the other IFers out there need.
Thanks
Shell
Posted by: Shell | 27 June 2007 at 11:38 PM
Infertility is a very serious problem and it's very difficult to cope with it.But there are decisions after all-adopting is one them.
Posted by: Cara Fletcher | 01 August 2007 at 06:41 PM
Who helps the poor infertile who cant afford IVF in SA?
Posted by: Sad Infertile Tubal disease 42 | 03 August 2007 at 07:23 PM
What can I do? I been not able to have a second child. my first was at age 20 he was born October 29,1992. At,age 25 he was asking me for a little sister. I been trying to get a second child since 25 yrs of age. I had a miscarriage in mARCH 2002. THE DOCTORS NEVER EVEN GAVE ME A D&C SURGER AFTER THE MISCARRIAGE. I hae been suffer about pain periods and heavy clot type bleeding ever since that miscarriage. The doctors I am complainng to know are alone concern with my weight probably and getting my hypothyroidism under control. I obese because of my depression because I have failed at giving my husband a baby. That is all he seems to what. He is not my first son father. That man abandon us. I guess my husband biological clock is ready andwanting children. And, my body is fixing to head to the start of the age when doctor want to tell us it is not health to have children at 40. I an going to be 36 this September. My mother start her menopause at 40yrs of age and at 50 she was done going through the procedure. So I am can not hand not being able to have that second child.
Posted by: SHANNON | 29 August 2007 at 07:29 AM
I just happened upon this blog....I am sitting here at the table with my husband as we are doing our homework, fighting back tears so he wouldn't notice me about to burst into a huge cry, I manage to hold myself together long enough to get through this reading. I am so happy that i came across this blog...I was in desperate need of some help....(these periods are my pause to gather my tears so I can see what I'm typing)...........I would like to talk to you about my story, no offense to no one but, I just need to talk.......................
Posted by: Liv | 01 November 2007 at 01:03 AM
I laughed and cried my way through this. You really should sell this, a book, a leaflet....this is only thing I have found that has made me feel truly normal in the craziness of my IVF journey.
Posted by: Gina Fryer | 25 February 2008 at 02:15 PM
Thanks for your post. My marriage has been almost ruined by this whole process. My husband has been zero empathetic and told me after the egg retrieval with anesthesia "oh, that was no big deal. People have surgery everyday." This round didn't work and I don't know where to find the money to go for another one, but emotionally I HAVE to try again!
Posted by: Barb | 11 April 2008 at 11:28 AM
I can't thank you enough. I found out tonight, that the last girl on our friend group is pregnant. I am starting the infertility treatment, But, when people ask, I always say, "we are thinking of having kids" instead of the truth. That maybe we cant. I was horrified, embarrassed. Now, I know I am not alone, and next time, I can tell the truth. It's going to be a lot harder for me, but I am not any less of a woman. I am strong! Thank you!
Posted by: Hannah | 19 September 2008 at 06:43 AM
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for writing this. I cried and laughed through some of it. I wish I had someone like you in my daily life. Good luck to you...
Posted by: Spunkygrrl | 08 December 2008 at 11:48 PM
You have no idea how much this post has helped me. THANK YOU!
Posted by: Marina | 24 February 2009 at 05:55 PM
Well, I didn't know this blog existed. I was looking for... hell I can't even remember anymore, and stumbled on this site. Half way through I started crying uncontrollably. How many times did I patiently listen to family telling us to accept our fate and be childless forever? How many kids birthday parties and babyshowers did I host/attend while I was screaming on the inside? I'm so tired of hearing how I should cope with this. Reading this blog was so liberating; I feel like a woman again. For 7 years I've felt like an empty vessel.
Thank you for the clarity. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to do what's good for me now.
Posted by: Marelize | 25 February 2009 at 06:22 PM
Awesome!!! That is all I can say about this post! I know this is old, but it could not be more correct & needed. We have been TTC for about 16 months now & NOTHING! It is so frustrating & overwhelming! No one knows we are TTC so I can't talk to anyone except my fiance about it & my friends on the parenting website who are also TTC! I swear I could have written that post myself. Like someone else said you really should make that a pamplet &/or book!!!:) Thanks a million for reminding me I am not alone!!!!! Oh & congrats on the new addition!!
Posted by: Amanda Jenkins | 29 May 2009 at 09:10 PM
Excellent post, I've mentioned it on one of my forums.
Infertility in some Western countries seems to be a taboo, like naked people (looked upon as some kind of weirdo in the UK), when it infertility is normal amongt the human population.
My cousin eventually got pregnant (no it's not mine!) after 4 years of trying, but as she was testing so many things at that time we have no idea which one worked.
Posted by: Keith - Arthritis | 29 August 2009 at 02:05 PM
Great post ... Good read!
Posted by: Daliah | 06 September 2009 at 03:49 PM