Confession

I have a confession.  I have no schedule, no routine with the babes.  Actually, I lie. We do have a nighttime routine.  At 6/630 pm every night we have a bath, then bottle, then bed.  We do that every night. But besides that, the day is pretty much a free for all.  They do eat every 3-4 hours, but it could be 6, 10, 2, 6 one day, the next day it could be 7, 10, 1, 5 etc.  We just take four hours or so from the first morning feed.  If they are hungry that day we might do every 3 hours, always ensuring that they get the required amount of food per day.  By midday'ish we have both babies on the same feeding times by shortening one baby's gap between feeds. 

And as for naps, well they nap when *they* want to.  We have no routine. 

Unwittingly, I seem to have become one of those type of mothers, I don’t even know what you call them, the ones that say you (the parent) should fit around the child’s schedule, not the other way around.  And while I think that type of parenting is perfectly fine for those who choose that method, I am not entirely happy with that style for my life.

I am not sure how it happened.  I appear to be an even bigger softie than I ever thought I would be.  I mean it is me we are talking about, anally retentive Tertia.  The one whose house is meticulously neat, whose life is pretty ordered.  Who shaves her armpits and does NOT belong to Greenpeace.  (joke my friends, joke!)  I honestly thought I would be a v strict mother, instead I am a big wuss*.

I can’t seem to get the kids into (onto?) a strict schedule.  I am beginning to think it is because I don’t want to. I mean, I would LOVE them to be in (on) a strict schedule, but I don’t want to force it on them.  See, it would mean my little weakness, my little issue I have, would have to take place.  Crying.  I am scared I would have to let them CIO in order to get them to nap on schedule.  Don’t want to do CIO (yet) so how can I ‘force’ them to nap on a schedule?  What if they are not tired on *my* schedule? Or hungry on my schedule?  Clearly Gina Ford and I would not be BF's.

So, here are my questions:  (I know I am opening myself up to all sorts of differing opinions / advice / assvice, and that’s fine, I want to know what you think so assvice away).  Should I ‘force’ them into/onto (wtf is the correct way of saying that?) a schedule?  Am I doing any harm by not having them on a schedule?  The babes seem happy, they certainly are thriving ito growth etc.  And the nights (including the sleeping) are fine, getting better, Kate better than Adam.  Obviously it is easier for me having no schedule with two nannies. If Rose was alone she would have to have them on a schedule.  I would like to get them on an almost schedule sometime soon, maybe by six months?

Am I the only one whose kids pretty much eat and sleep when they want to during the day?  Do I win the WWM** award?

*meaning nampy pampy softie type
*Worlds Worst Mother

Comments

[annie]

You are a great mama. Stop sayin that! You have 2 babies. I think if you even get to brush your teeth once a day you're in good shape

[mijk]

Lovely how parenthood changes you isn't. The daycare lady asked after yasha's schedule the other day (since she will go there in a couple of weeks..)and Ih ad to admit that there isn't one..

I must say I don't really care. Especially since my first got in a schedule quite easy but was miserable every time I did something a bit different. He wouldn't sleep at night after a schedule interruption so it kind of put me on a schedule wich wasn't what I wanted. This girl I can get out of the house with whenever I like ànd sleep at night. So lovely!

So if you don't mind why should you change? There will come routine in your life again....someday!

Mijk

[sam]

They'll get on a scedule soon you'll seen.
I have three (6years-19 month and 1 month) and somehow it just happens. I never had a scedule and by the time they turned 6 month they sort off fell into it. after that it's just keeping it going and that's not even that hard as they feel ok with it themselves. Give it some time. in a few month they'll nap feed and sometimes even wet their pants on scedule.
i've always been a softy mom untill they are around one and if i may say so myself, they turned out to be extra sweet kids.
don't worry they just need time and you are doing a terrific job.

sam

[Jo]

Tertia can I just take this opportunity to say what an awesome mother I think you are? I don't know how to say this without it coming out badly (which is not my intent AT ALL) but you are doing way better than I thought you would. Which is not that I had low expectations but that WOW!

As for this particular question you may not have a schedule but it certainly sounds to me like you have a routine. I am a HUGE fan of a good routine in parenting, not so much the schedule. It is true that the older DD gets the more rigid our routine has become (she is three), but when she was little I used to look at women with schedules who couldn't do this that or the other because it clashed with their timed-to-the-minute-schedule while DD and I were fitting our routine around what I wanted to get done that day. Frankly I wondered how they though that they were running their child's life and not the other way around. If you can't leave the house because of your precious schedule then the baby is running your life. Just because your schedule is utterly predictable does not automatically make it better or even necessarily that practical. Not knowing how a day is likely to run from one day to the next is not particularly helpful either, but give me a routine over a schedule any day. If you know roughly how things will run from the time you get up on any given day then you know enough to plan your day (as much as you ever can with kids). Just my two cents.

[Rachel]

Hi Tertia,
I agree with these ladies. I was just thinking thes ame thing about Luce. No schedule to speak of. I really thought I would be one of those "Babywise" parents, who NEVER demand-fed and had my baby on a strict schedule, so I was in control. As Jo said, I would much rather have a baby who can adapt to things any day than a baby who is on such a strict schedule that I can not do A or B for fear the baby will freak out.

Keep it up! Great job.

If you're a bad mom then so am I.

Rachel

[pepper]

eh....schedules aren't all they are cracked up to be..you don't want to become one of those mothers who can't ever do something cos it's little McKenZie's naptime.

My 11 month old only really fell into a daytime schedule himself once he started crawling and eating lots of solids and basically just tiring himself out for his couple of sleeps a day. But if I need to do something I just hope he sleeps in the stroller or car. And if not, then I just put him down a bit earlier at night.

That said, I think a night-time schedule is important as it gives the kids the signal that it's time to sleep.

I think you are doing fine (great in fact). I have a friend IRL who has a pigeon pair of twins that are now 17 months old so I can see your future..and it's lots of (tiring) fun!

[jen]

Hey Tertia
First off, you are G&D and a great mum! Those babes are lucky to have you. Sounds like you have the bedtime "routine" right up to scratch, so no worries there!
If you really want to get them on to a sort-of daytime routine, where you're not bothered TOO much if it's 6.05 or 6.15, but want to have a bit more "control" over whether it's 6.00 or 8.00, can i suggest The Baby Whisperer book by Tracey Hogg.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0743488938/qid=1113560402/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/104-7480811-5588745?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
Provides a "flexible routine" (if that isn't an oxymoron?) for you to try. Tried and tested by several friends of mine (both due to the book, and inadvertently), this is very common sense and although rather patronising in tone, pretty easy to read. I will def see if this works with my impending sproglet, but more as a guide than a dictatorial be-all-and-end-all.

[Katie]

I used to think that Sophia didn't have a schedule. But when my mum would ask what would she normally do at such and such time I could generally give an educated guess. I wouldn't be stressing over not having a schedule writtern in stone. Generally I let Sophia dictate what she wants to do during the day, but follow the same routine for bedtime bath,bottle,book,bed (the four b's lol). I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mum.

[JenL]

No schedule for my little one either. She started at her childcare last week and darn if she hasn't developed one *while she is there* (still random as ever when at home). So efficient/aware/experienced is her provider (ok, I'll call her nanny just to simplify) that it only took her two or three days to figure out the baby's rhythm and "schedule" accordingly. Pfft.

Almost 11 weeks into her lifetime and I am still answering "HOW should I know???" when my hubby insistently queries "What is she crying for?"

What I am trying to say is that in the biggest picture, I do not think your skill as a mother is going to be based on the schedule you have/don't have with the babes. I never could figure out how to develop one for any of my kids and I'm told now that I'm an excellent mother (nearly 15 years experience!) by people I love and respect to give me that title.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling like the WWM on a semi-daily basis. And that's the thing about motherhood. The WWM feeling is part of the agony/ecstacy dual-edged sword. Make friends with it, because it sticks around. :-)

[Elizabeth]

I completely agree with Jo on routine vs. schedule and the need to be flexible. That is the approach we have always taken with my son and it seems to be working so far. I do understand that, with twins, you might need to be a bit more organized just to stay sane. It sounds like you have a bedtime routine that works, so my assvice would be to repeat that whenever you would like to encourage naptime. Babies do learn patterns, so the bath/bottle/shaded room helps them realize that sleep should be next. My son took three baths a day for a week or so, but it was worth it. It sounds counterintuitive, but once he was consistently napping twice a day he went to bed better at night and slept for longer stretches. I learned that from "The No-Cry Sleep Solution," one of the most valuable parenting books I have ever read. Good luck and no, you are not the WWM. (I won that last night by nearly locking my son in the car. With my keys.)

[bridget]

They are still pretty new to the world - I bet you'll be surprised in the future - they'll "self-regulate" and get on a schedule. Think how much better things are now than when they were first born.

[Moxie]

a) They're going to put themselves into a routine soon anyway. Babies are by nature chaotic little creatures until 4-5 months, and then they settle into a routine. Personally, I think it's a waste of time adn energy to force them onto a strict schedule before then because you'll be spending all your time worrying about the schedule and not enough time enjoying them.

b) As time goes on you won't be disturbed by their crying as much. It's normal. When mine was teeny like yours are I couldn't stand to let him cry, even if it was only for the length of time it took me to go to the bathroom. Now I basically don't care, unless he's actually hurt or sad. You'll have *plenty* of time to be a hard-ass when the babes are older and are just being annoying, as opposed to actually needing you. (And you'll *definitely* know the difference.)

Did you buy some new clothes yet?

[Stacey]

Aren't they at that age still supposed to have on demand feedings? I mean, I would think it'd be hard to put them on a schedule. Nap schedule maybe. Feedings probably not.

[Judy]

T - I'm a lot like you - I thrive on order in all aspects of my life. My kids, not so. With my second one, I just figured he'd pick up on our schedule because he has an older brother who has places to be, people to see, things to do. And, well, he has - recently. He's 5.5 months.

Don't worry about a schedule per se. That will come with time. It is still a bit early for that. A routine - now that is something that is important, and I believe you've got it! My routine is so detailed it includes a morning walk, an afternoon swing...those kinds of things, and when we don't get to them, he's a bit peeved with me!

I read all the stuff about how much sleep they should get at this-and-such age and how many naps for how long, and it really didn't matter. He gets what is best for him, and your babies will, too. That being said, I will go on the record that a day full of 15 minute power-naps does NOT a happy baby make (BTDT), so I do try to make the naps he gets quality time in the sack.

My boy has a GREAT routine (dare I call it a schedule? I suppose it is becoming one!) that fits for our family and for him, but he wasn't born with it. Give it time. YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!

[Carla]

De-Lurking... You are doing it very similiar to how we did with our twins at thier age. Feedings were the same, night time was the same, but naps not always the same, I would say that by 6mo they fell into the same pattern, we manipulated it a little bit by keeping the sleepy one awake a little longer each day, and trying to get them a little closer in napping, and at some point it just happened. We did a very very mild form of CIO for my son but that is not until he was well into his 6 mo.

[Beret]

Babies (and kids) are people too. I know I don't go to bed or eat at the exact same times each day. Sometimes I'm tired and go to bed a 9pm (yes, that's right) and other nights I feel great and stay up until 11. I'd hate for someone to tell me I had to go to bed at 10pm each and every night.

Likewise, I'd hate to be told I have to eat at the same times each day.

My 3.5 year old daughter naps each afternoon. That's a requirement I have for my sanity. HOwever, some days her nap starts at noon. Other days it's at 1:30. It depends on how active she's been that morning, what kind of sleep she got the night before, if we're out running errands, etc.

My 6 week old son is just starting to nap and eat at regular intervals. I just let him sleep when he's tired and eat when he's hungry. Unfortunately, he hasn't been too tired the past 3 days and is on a bit of a nap strike. Sucks for me, but what's the point in putting him in his crib and letting him cry (at this age).

I realize being on a strict schedule would be much easier with twins. I'm anal as well and ideally I'd love it if my kids ate and slept at the same time each day. But, I have to understand it's not that simple. I accepted that much quicker with my second child and that acceptance has made my life much easier.

Good luck to you and the kids. Listen to them, they know what they need and when they need it.

[Chris]

I have to agree that routine is the important thing, not a schedule per se. It sounds like you have a good routine going and it will get even easier. Like some others have said, they seem to sort of fall into it themselves sometime after 6 months. Either that or we don't realize it until they are that old. As they get older they will come to rely on the routine of the day.

The only thing I am pretty strict about is 7:30 bedtime, earlier if my daughter didn't nap particularly well that day. She needs it because she doesn't sleep later if she goes to bed later, then she is a bear the next day or has night terrors from being overtired.

You or they will figure it out soon T, and then they will change their nap schedule and the routine will change again. :)

[Bridgette]

We pretty much did whatever made my son happy. He was not a sweet, happy baby, so I wasn't really concerned with a schedule. He nursed whenever he wanted and slept whenever he fell asleep. That worked for us.

Good luck with whatever you do.

[Dana]

Schedule? What's that? I have *one* baby, 9 weeks old, and the only schedule she's on is that she (mostly) sleeps at night. Seriously, I feed her when she's hungry and let her sleep when she's sleepy, and turn her mobile on or put her in her swing when she's awake (or I just play with her - which mostly amounts to singing her silly songs while she grins a toothless grin at me) I did the same with my son, now 3 years old, and by about 6-8 months he'd put himself on a schedule. Your's will do that in their own time. Sounds to me like you're doing a great job :)

[Pam]

We didn't force a schedule on our son, and he fell into one naturally at 6 months (coincidentally the time when he started sitting up on his own and his reflux finally ended). I say let 'em go until 6 months, since they still are really all that aware of what's around them.

[Amanda8]

Please don't stress about it. I have a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old, and we have no schedule. Primarily b/c I don't want to be a slave to it. They eat when they are hungry, and if it is a gorgeous day and is naptime and we are outside enjoying spring weather, naptime slides a half hour or so. They have pretty regular bedtimes and naptimes but if we are having a ball at 8:30 and spending quality family time together, then I don't rush it. I sound terribly unscheduled, but we do have a loose routine. I do have some backlash, though, as my younger child does not sleep well at night, and never has. I did find that when I went back to work, and did not get home until 7 pm or later, that an early bedtime came second to playing with my daughter!

[Jody]

Tertia, Go to my website and click on the attachment parenting link. It's an incredibly long account of how we had a routine but not a strict schedule with the babies. Figure out whether you like the sounds of that type of life for the next six months or not. Then proceed accordingly. We didn't do squat and the kids created a fairly predictable routine on their own.

In our experience, once you add solid meals, the days start to look fairly regimented. Once the third morning nap gets dropped, and you have two solid blocks of nap in the AM and PM, and AM/PM correspond to your definitions and not crazy newborn ideas, you probably will end up with fairly predictable routines. It won't be three hours to feeds one day and four hours the next.

Are Kate and Adam fairly well-regulated babies? All three of our kids did things at reasonable predictable times, adjusting for growth spurts and teething, regardless of any effort I made on my part. Some kids just aren't predictable in their routines--that's been shown by research into temperment. What type of babies are Kate and Adam, do you think?

You really shouldn't need to have any crying to get to a nice steady routine, anyway. Wake the kids up every morning at the same time. Feed them right away, play with them, when they start to look sleepy, rock them or lay them in swings or bouncers. You can use tools and props to get them onto the routine or schedule you want, without just laying them in cribs to cry. Cribs can come later. Who knows, maybe if you rock them for five minutes and they get that sleepy noddy-off look and they're swaddled, they'd lie down in cribs without crying. When they wake up, do it again: feed 'em, do some playing or some walking outside or set 'em up in front of a fan with some streamers attached (oooh, pretty patterns and shadows and colors all moving around) and then lay 'em down again when they get tired. Repeat until evening. Start the bedtime routine at the same time every day. Before you know it, you have a schedule and you hardly had to work at all.

Of course, if you have babies with fairly irregular internal clocks, it might not go as smoothly. But in my opinion, you can have a gentle routine that adapts to a 30-minute first nap one day and a 45-minute nap the next day, without being so regimented that you know they'll poop every morning at 8:48am. (On the other hand, don't be surprised if they do poop every morning at more or less 8:48am.)

Honestly, if you wake 'em up at the same time every day, put 'em down at roughly the same time every day, and they're even remotely regular in their habits, you're going to end up with a routine over time, and there won't be any crying involved. Or, at least, the crying won't be related to scheduling.

You're going to want them doing something predictable when you leave for work every morning anyway, right? Start with a cheery morning wake-up routine, stick your bedtime routine on a specific time in the evening, and go from there. My guess is, it won't be any trouble at all.

Unless, of course, you've gotten used to sneaking in as many extra minutes of blog time as you can before the babies wake up on their own. ;-)

[Gidget]

Not to sound dumb, but why do you need a schedule?

[groovyjen]

What sam said. The schedule just sort of happens. It's too early yet, IMHO. Laura wasn't on any sort of schedule when I went back to work at 12 weeks. It wasn't daycare that created the schedule, it was her. Give another 6 weeks - 2 months and I bet you will see your kiddos develop a schedule.

Then you won't be able to deviate from it, not because you are inflexible, but because your kiddos want that schedule.

It'll happen. Don't sweat it.

[MJ]

Tertia

Ive done the same with allof mine, let them create a schedule based on their body preferences. The only time i forced somthing on my babies, was at 6 months, we established a bedtime, which was 8 pm. I made sure there were fed, changed and happy and put them down awake. So then they cio some but beyond that i really dont think babies have to have a "defined schedule" im the kind of mom who will go out during naptime if i want or need to, i do what has to be done regardless of a schedule, i have loose, loose schedule of what i do with my day but hour by hour scheduling doesnt work for me.

[Sarah]

Your babies are too young for a regular schedule. Peanut didn't have what I would call a real schedule unitl about 8 months. YMMV. If you let them set the order of the day, you and the babies will fall into a schedule that works for you without having to train them into it. One day you will notice that for the past week you've been doing pretty much the same things at the same time, and it will have snuck up on you. Until then, as someone told us, "Do not think you have things scheduled [with small babies]. There is no schedule."

[Stacie]

Don't worry about it Tertia! They will fall into their own routines. I too worried about this with my first but you know there are some days that I sleep later or go to bed earlier or eat at different times. If that's okay for me why isn't it for my child(ren)?

You are doing a fabulous job with these kiddos!! Motherhood is hard and one seems to doubt oneself at every turn, this is just another one of those moments.

[Carrie]

You can't stand to hear them cry because at this age, they only really cry when they truly need you. As they get older, they learn to ask for things in a different way (arms up for "pick me up"), and they start to cry when they are mad that you won't let them play with that wonderful shiny sharp thing on the table. Then you start being able to tell why they are crying even better than before, and it becomes a little easier to listen to it. They still cry when they need you, and you'll jump when that happens, but you'll be able to stand a little whining.

I did absolutely nothing to encourage a schedule outside of putting (attempting to, anyway) my daughter to bed in a dark room at the same time every day. She fell into a routine soon after. No, I don't know when she will fall asleep between 9 and 11 am, but I know it will be sometime in there and that she will sleep for two hours when she does. She isn't that rigid a baby, so I can deal with this. I have a friend whose baby goes down same time each day (within 15 minutes), and she also did nothing to help with this. It is just his nature. This means that she has to leave lunches out because he gets insanely fussy like clockwork, but I can hang out because my kid doesn't become unglued if she's a little sleepy. There's always a tradeoff, it seems.

[danigirl]

One of the scariest approaches to parenting is the whole Babywise movement (see http://dir.salon.com/mwt/feature/1998/08/cov_06feature.html), which forces babies onto a schedule that makes life more convenient for parents.

As everybody else has said, your babes are still so very little, and they'll begin to self-regulate before you know it. I totally agree with Jo et al that a routine is v v important, and a schedule is NOT the same.

You said they are happy, doing well and sleeping very well - sounds like you are doing a stellar job and I can't imagine how you'd improve on that.

[Amnesia]

What you are doing works for you - and Rose and Beauty. You have the help to avoid the CIO ritual, so why go there? Tertia, you are NOT the recipient of the WWM award - sorry to tell you. You have a WAYS to go to even be briefly considered. You have not shaken a baby, drown them, ignored them, forgotten to feed them, left them at a store or on a bus... jeeez...go easy on yourself!

I think Kate and Adam are fine. They are growing. They are sleeping. You are all happy. Why oh why mess with that?

[thrice]

With twins + one, I'm definitely routine over schedule. I am anal with very detailed lists, otherwise I can get overwhelmed. I print a different list out for different shifts.

[allison]

Tertia,

I agree with most of these comments. In fact, I just took my son for his 4 month checkup yesterday and asked my pediatrician the same question about nap lengths and schedules. She said that kids are generally pretty chaotic in terms of their naps until at least 4.5 or 5 months, often more like 6 months. As long as the nighttime sleep is settling down into something of a routine, you can let the naps be what they are at this point.

I also asked about the whole putting down awake/CIO thing. She said some people say 4 months, some say 6 months, some people say never. Obviously, this one is up to the parent, but my ped said she thought 4 months was the earliest for this kind of thing.

Not that my doctor knows everthing, but I tend to like her advice...it's pretty relaxed and sane which is helpful for me because I can tend to stress out about doing things "right." At any rate, it sounds like you are doing great and that you really don't have to worry about the schedule or CIO just yet; the babies aren't quite there yet. So just enjoy them for now and worry about this stuff in a few months.

[RainbowW]

my experience with three kids three and under:

you will eventually find their schedule. right now they're so young they don't -- can't -- have one, and trying to "force" one on them will only make YOU miserable.

you will find a routine for your home, but it may take six months to a year. this is what you signed up for. sorry. :)

[meg]

I remember that it was right around 4-5 months that this became an issue for us too. I wanted a bit more scheduled predictability and also, I asked my girlfriends, when do I stop putting the kid is footed jammies all day and get him dressed like a normal person?

In the end, it took some time for the schedule to come about, but it did. And, since the kid was basically napping on my chest at frequent intervals during the day whenever he wanted to, it was a bit of a rough transistion to taking actual naps in the bed in the morning and the afternoon. Some crying was involved. But hey, we got through it. As amazing as the difference is between now and when they were born (sleep wise and keeping themselves busy looking at the playmat or whatever), that will be how big the difference is over the next few months as they adopt more regular patterns. I said it when my first son was born and I say it now that my second is almost three months...not a week goes by that I don't say "Wow! This age is even better!" People say they grow so fast. I say Thank God for that!

Also, looking back at pictures, apparently I started getting him dressed in actual clothes around the 6 month mark too, when he really started sitting up and spending more time out of the stroller/the sling/the car seat/my arms.

[meg]

Oh yeah...keep up the bedtime thing. Seriously, you wont regret it. My nights have been the exact same schedule for over three years. A little boring for me, but young W goes to bed and stays there. It's worth it.

[Ma]

They're still a little young for a real solid schedule - most babies aren't ready for a real schedule much before 5 months of age. You do have a routine, esp. a bedtime one, and that is sooooo key - it will set them up for the rest of their lives. Once you start feeding solids, etc., they will naturally have more of a schedule. Also, now you go out to the store, visiting, etc. - when they are home w/just Rose and Beauty, they will more likely to get on a schedule then as well.

My son didn't like having 2 naps a day - he would sleep for a 1/2 hour in the a.m., maybe 1/2 in the afternoon - but once he was a year old, and I switched him to 1 nap a day, he slept for a solid 2 hours every afternoon like clockwork. My daughter - up at "sparrows fart", every day, took 2 naps a day until 15 months, and even then, it was hard for her to give up that morning nap!!!

Also, I know this sounds dumb, but w/my son (my first) - I waited for him to go fall sleep, rather than putting him in his crib for a nap. I don't know why - I think you just get in the habit of that when they are newborns. I wised up w/my second!!! Like I said, soon enough it will be all about the schedule - don't stress about it, and have faith - it will all work out fine.

[ManhattanAnne]

No advice here, for obvius reasons. But. Having clicked on your handy lingo link, I should like to point out a crucial fact: another definition of wuss is "crybaby." No wonder you don't want to let them CIO, you've already cornedered the market, ya big wuss!

[Lisa V]

Quit trying to take the WWM from me damn it. I told you that everytime my kids tell me I am that I tell them , good that is what I was going for. Don't even try to take it from me until they are teenagers.
I would say do a schedule when the circumstances of your life make it necessary. You will know when.

[Billie]

Sounds like we are doing something right. We've got the exact same kind of routine going on at my house with my almost 5 months old (adjusted age) twins. I'm definitely looking forward to them napping more at the same time. The only nap I can really count on is the one they take together right after their first morning bottle. They will usually sleep for about two glorious hours. Other than that it's a free for all. I will say that if they don't get at least two nice LONG naps they are super crabby in the evenings and I feel like I might go nuts:)

[Stefanie]

Personally, I think schedules for children are insane! Rountines are v. v. good and you've started a great one for night time!

Your babies are much too young for any thing other than eating and sleeping on demand. And for the most part, that is how adults function. I eat when I'm hungry, don't you? Ok, maybe not since you had the kids - but you know what I'm getting at. They'll work into other routines as they get older. But they may want lunch at noon one day and 11:30 the next - it's ok. You'll be ok, you are the WBM!! not the WWM!!

I don't think I'd be too happy with a schedule. I'd always be worried about getting "off" schedule. I have enough to worry about.

Ok, that's my opinion.

[Danielle]

I'm doing practically the same thing. My daughter (4mos old) eats and naps when she wants to. We have a fairly set nighttime routine that most nights precedes about 7hrs sleep. It's working for us, on the whole. It makes it tough to talk to a friend, though. Her son is 7wks younger and they are working quite dilligently on having a schedule and she asks me what I think she should do if her son is asleep when he "should" be eating or vice versa. I am completely useless in the arena of schedule advice, but I'd say not to worry about it if it's mostly working.

[e]

And your question is...?

You're happy, they're happy. If it ain't broke...

[candi]

My girl is a bit younger than your two and we have no real schedule or routine. I try to do the bath, feed, bed thing starting from 8pm but had my brother over tonight so we skipped the bath for tonight.

I am really not a routine/schedule person at the best of times. Plus it seems that everytime she has gotten into a routine, something will happen and it only lasts for a couple of days.

I wouldn't stress about it now. Perhaps when they get a bit older... Some one above me recommended the Baby Whisperer and I second that for a good routine... not that I am implementing it now... but later it will be the book I turn to.

[gkk]

I'm a big believer in schedules for babes.... once they hit 5 months or so. My SIL just had a baby and when we visited her in hospital she said she was looking forward to getting home and into a routine - it was all I could do to keep the evil cackle inside.

I find with my two (both singletons, so obviously that changes things) they are happier if their meals/sleeps/baths etc are at regular times - but I'm not afraid to "manipulate" them a little if I need to on any given day.

I have never "forced" schedule onto them though - I think if you look closely (again at older babies) they have their own natural rythmn - I let them set the routine, then help them stick to it.

Assvice I know, but you did ask for it!

[Ute]

Nope, you're not the only one. Our daughter had a schedule for the first two weeks and is now gradually changing it herself. It doesn't bother me, though, as long as she seems happy and healthy and gains enough weight. Which she does. :-) I only wake her up when the smell in her room gets too bad. [g]

[shari]

first off, you are not a wuss, nor a bad mom!! As a mom of 19 month old twin girls - here's my assvice....

Just want to start by saying we had no help and my husband was working midnight shift for the first year of the girls life so I was by myself a LOT with the girls (dad at work at night, sleeping during a lot of the day) and I found it imperative to get them on a loose schedule - otherwise I would've gone insane. Doesn't mean it's right for everyone, and I'm sure you'll get many different opinions though I didn't have time to read the other comments before posting this.

So here goes -- the one thing that helped us tremendously was around 3 months old we started getting the girls up for the day at (around) the same time each day... so for us at around 7:30 we woke them, fed them, dressed them for the day -- regardless of whether they had a feeding at 6 am, 4 am, whatever. Maybe they wouldn't take a full bottle, but we "topped them off", lightened the room and got them dressed. In the beginning maybe they'd watch their mobile or be in their bouncer seat for only 1/2 hr before they'd want to sleep again, but I really think it helped get them in sync with eachother and kind of helped them distinguish between day time and night time.

Because they got up/fed the same time each morning, within a few weeks it was pretty easy to see a nap and feeding pattern emerge - we quickly figured out they'd need their morning nap no later than 9:30, have a bottle ("lunch") at 11ish, afternoon nap around 1ish, etc...

It gave me so much more confidence to go out w/my girls once I could predict when they'd be cranky/hungry, etc... and to this day they still wake up on their own every day around 7:30 am and go to bed around 7:30 pm like clockwork. Still have one that sleeps like a rock and one that wakes up once or twice a night, but that's another story :)

Hope this helps - good luck!

[Sarah]

Hi,

I did the same thing with my son Thomas. We didn't get into a "schedule" until he was around a year old and even that was pretty slow in happening. I think when the babes are small, it's pretty hard to get them to bend to an external schedule as the whole concept of "waiting" and "patience" is so, well, unrelated to being a baby.

But the routine you guys have is good--and it is there, it's just not as delineated as you were expecting. It's more free-flowing and flexible. And enjoy it! If you are a true Type A it may be the only time in your life the term "flexible" will apply to you! :)

[Janis]

No schedules here, much to the dismay of my mom and MIL. FUnny how it never bothered them so much with the other kids, but with twins it is a must!

We do have, however, routine. And it is one set by both babies and myself. The best thing about it is that it works for us.

Like a previous poster said, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Just keep doing what works for you, for your family. You all seem to be thriving! So no worries!

[Suzanne]

Hi, I'm a lurker. I've read your blog for a while. I suffer from PCOS, but have not had to do extensive IF treatments *yet*.

Anyways, I'm one of "those" mothers who don't believe in a schedule. In the beginning Magdalena did everything according to her own clock. Around 6 months or so, she fell into her own routine. I worked my routine around it so that both of our routines complimented each other. Obviously we have to tweak our routine every few months or so because as she gets older she has different needs. At 6 months she napped three times a day, at 15 months she now requires two naps (very long ones). I think it's important not only to keep with what baby wants but I think it is also important for baby to learn to adapt. So if I need to run out for something that can't be changed, then M just has to learn how to deal with it. Just my 2 cents though. Thanks.

[Chrisha]

Tertia,
Hi,you don't know me and I don't know you personally,but through your blog I have read many interesting and enlightening things about you,your babes and your life in SA. I've never before posted,as I never felt the need till now. First of all,from my readings,you are a fine and competant mother. Having said all the mushy stuff,let me say. I am the mother of 4 wonderful & healthy babes(oldest turned 10 today) NONE of my babes we ever on a strict schedual,I raised mine from birth to now without any strict scheduals. Sure we had daily routines and they were magical because my babes came to know,expect and enjoy those moments. But the schedual thing...I personally do not like to eat at the same time everyday,have quiet time the same time everyday or be forced to go to bed/nap at the same time everyday,therfore I can not axpect my babes to do it. (And Yes,I take naps,who wouldn't with 4 kids. The youngest being only 16 1/2 months.lol.) Anyways,what I am trying to get to Tertia,is not having your babes on a schedual now or even later will not harm them or cause anything else negative for that matter and it certainly doesn't mean for one minute that your a softy. It does mean your meeting your babes needs right now. But whatever you should chose now or later,will be the best for you and the babes and I wish you much luck in your choices!

[Mollie]

I didn't meet my first until he was six months, and he was accustomed to a very strict schedule, as he was coming from an institutional setting. I am a very rigid person, and spent a lot of time masterminding and executing the schedule, which we stuck to come hell or high water. And if we missed a nap, oh golly, I was a wreck. The baby was fine, but I was a wreck.

With my second, now, who came to us as a newborn the regular old way, I kept up the "on demand" thing for as long as she wanted. She started to kind of gravitate into her own schedule of a morning and afternoon nap herself. People would ask me how many naps a day she took and I just shrugged. "As many as she wants," I'd say. By five or six months, though, I started to watch the clock and plan a little.

Now it seems that if she sleeps 10+ hours a night, she likes a morning nap but doesn't go down for the afternoon nap. Whatever. As long as she sleeps at night, because that's when I sleep. She can do whatever she wants during the day, as long as she's good company.

I do recommend having a "rhythm" in your home, things that happen at the same time each day, like family meals and bedtime. I definitely believe that kids relax a lot when they have even a couple of things a day that they can rely on. Even if it's a beating (just kidding).

Good for you, my anal and gorgeous friend. I understand where you are coming from.

[Kam]

It takes a big-hearted person to take care of twins as carefully and lovingly as you do, Tertia. I think it's much harder to give in to their needs and be flexible for their sake--you are not a wuss!

A friend in Japan always kept a baby futon (think crib mattress) in a corner on the floor from the time her baby was small. When I knew them, 2-yr-old Marisa would just go lie down when she needed a rest, and if it was nap time, she would fall asleep. No struggles. No schedules. Happy, healthy baby. We've done that with Meg to some extent--I really like giving her power over her own sleep. I can count on one hand the number of meltdowns we've had over going to sleep, and Meg's almost three.

Whatever you can live with that keeps them healthy and happy is best, T. But if the lack of schedule is driving you crazy, I don't think it's terrible to try to slowly work toward one. It's easier as you go along.

[Sonja]

I didn't read the other comments...so sorry if I'm repeating. My twin boys weren't on much of a schedule at that age either. We did the same as you pretty much. Then all of a sudden around 5 months...it just happened. So, don't give up hope, a schedule could work out soon enough! :)

[sharbean]

Just like others have said: the babies will find their own schedule as their brain gets wired. My theory is if you push them into something they aren't ready for they will resist -- it's human nature.

[Andrea]

I don't comment often, but I do have to say that I think you answered your own question - - if the babies are thriving what more could you ask for? :)

[LaurieC]

Don't worry about it. They're still young yet, and I don't think a strict schedule is good for babies anyway. My younger child is 6 months and is just now in a predictable pattern - not a schedule per se. Goes something like this - wake up 8am or so, breastfeed, play, cereal with a little fruit about an hour - hour and a half after waking, 9:30ish, give or take. If she seems fussy and I've run out of entertainment, I feed her earlier. About 2 hours after waking, she naps. This pattern is repeated all day, regardless of how long she naps, so sometimes the times vary. You can't really go by the clock, at least I can't yet. I know when she needs rest, needs to eat, etc., and the time intervals of those. She naps 3x a day, which is a little much for her age, but she gets fussy if she's up for more than 2 hours during the day. Her 3rd nap is short, 30-40 minutes, just to get her to bedtime again about 8:30pm. The exact times vary, but that's normal. Now that she's older, she's more predictable, and the times are also more predictable, and you'll probably find that happens with your 2 as they get older. With both my babies (not twins, I do admire you), I found if I kept them well rested (depending on the age can only go so long w/o nap) and fed them upon waking, that they were happy babies. My second has an easier temperament, thank goodness, because sometimes nap time comes as we are on our way home from preschool, and she easily transfers to her crib and finishes her nap, whereas her older sister would have woken up and made everyone miserable. You're doing a GREAT job, at this age I wasn't doing nearly as well with my first, and she was only a singleton. She did have bad reflux, though, so that made things rough. Hang in there, don't WORRY about it (easier said than done when you're a mom I suppose), and concentrate on making a smooth transition back to work.

[ellen]

Mine were the same way at 3 months - a "sort of" schedule where they would eat every "x" number of hours but not necessarily the same time each day. That's fine! It's still a schedule of sorts. it helps keep order to your day.

I have 3 kids and none of them were on a strict nap schedule till at least 6 months, and then they most definitely WERE. But it's early for that. best to let them sleep where they fall for now.

You're doing great!

[scott]

You are a great mom.
I think routine is sometimes for the sanity of the parent.
At least they aren't sucking on a lightbulb, or posing at the streetcorners in their leathers. Hope you have such a great weekend, that you find yourself humming showtunes.

[Mindy]

You ARE on a routine. I think the biggest mistake parents make is thinking that a "routine" means the same time every day with no exceptions. That's not accurate -- a routine is the things you are doing, and the fact that they can expect them to happen every day, or every other day or however you have it worked out. They know that they'll get food every day, they know they'll get to nap, they know they'll get changed and bathed etc -- that is your routine. This was explained to me by a child care worker and it made complete sense. Some kids come from families where they don't know if they're going to get fed dinner, they don't know if anyone will be there to put them to bed and so on. It's the knowledge that it will happen at all that is the routine for children.

[Janice]

I haven't yet read your comments so far, but it sounds to me as if you are on a bit of a routine so far. You're feeding them at appropriate intervals, at the same time eventually during the course of the day, and have a nighttime routine established. That's terrific!

It sounds like you're doing everything right and its working for you.

[Kathleen]

Bedtime is a wonderful time to start getting the babies into routines, which you are doing. Other than that, I think they are just too young to put on a schedule. They are growing and changing so fast that the best schedule they can be on is the one their little bodies are putting them on.

[Carrie]

My babe is almost 6 months old and he's recently sort of fallen into a schedule on his own. I demand feed and let him sleep when he's tired and just lately it's been at a more predictable time! It's still flexible because on days where he sleeps two hours (rare) instead of half an hour (normal) things get shifted a bit. I like to think we're on a "routine" instead of a "schedule." We do an abbreviated version of the nighttime routine for naps which I think helps too. I also won't put him down for a nap unless he's tired, rubbing his eyes, yawning, etc. I know I hate going to bed and just laying there not being able to sleep so I'm sure he does too!

About crying ... just lately it hasn't been so bad to let him fuss a little. It's like I can tell he's complaining and I leave him alone for a while when he's doing that, but if he's frightened or in pain I get him instantly. It's like he's able to communicate better, or I understand better, or something. So that gets better too.

I think you're doing great and maybe they will naturally get into a pattern as they get older and their brain matures. You could probably help that along by being consistent with some routines (like I always play music before naptime although not the same music) but really, seems like you're doing just fine!

[TexasMama]

Of course you are not doing them any harm! As you said they are happy. Scheduling babies if for the convienience of the parents. I you arre doing OK, then there is no need to force them onto a schedule.

My bet is, if you gently push towards a schedule, no crying required, you'll find them on one in a few months. Just be aware, as soon as they seem settled into a schedule, they will change it on you.

A side note: I found not having a strick schedule actually left me much freer to live my life and just fit my son in. Once it became clear that I'd better stick to the schedule he'd worked out for himself, life got harder. We would just get up and go places, as we pleased. Now I have to think, OK do we have time for that before lunch or nap or whatever. I'm sure it's a whole different experience with 2 though.

As I've said before, do what makes you and them happy and don't worry about what you are "Supposed" to do.

[Janonymous]

Add me to the chorus of "routine, not schedule." That way they know what to expect during the day, it has a rhythm & pattern, but enough flexibility to accomodate real life. And since you won't have to rush them out of the house at a certain time in the morning when you go back to work, it wouldn't seem to inconvenience you. I am more stringent about bedtime, though--we all do better if we know when the "end" of the day is coming! And if you want to get the babes used to seeing you before you leave in the morning, it seems like a regular "wake-up" time would make sense, too. Other than that, I'd let them set their own specific times that naturally flex according to the day's activities, their moods, growth spurts, etc.

Jan

[Tara]

Who needs a schedule? Then you just feel pressure to stick to the damn thing. My theory is when she is hungry she eats and when she is tired she sleeps...I did not intend the gay rhyme. Except at night she goes to bed with the same routine at the same time every night but even then if her nap was a late one I push bed time up an hour or so. What ever works FOR YOU is the best way to go.

[bp]

ok all you WWM contenders, those of you that have no schedules, no routines and, worse you let the fear of your children crying dictate to you...off to a TIME OUT!!!

no crying, diapers, laundry, slobber or burp bibs allowed.

The wine of choice, however, is mandatory.

[Lisa C.]

Yeah, we didn't do a schedule either. Our son does not suffer from the lack of a schedule, as far as I can tell.

We have a very hectic lifestyle, and our son kind of fits right in. I think you will find that as they get older, they just start fitting in with you and Marko and your needs. Of course, your needs have changed, just by becoming a parent, and their needs will change as they get older. In the end, though, I think you'll find a rhythm that works for all of you.

[expat]

[assvice] Get yourself a copy of the baby whisperer by Traci Hogg. No crying needed, I promise[/assvice]

[jen a]

Mine wasn't on a schedule until he got much older. I think it was aroun 6 months, and then he kind of fell into it.

Until then, it was basically what you are doing with yours. A basic routine, but more of a "go-with-the-flow" kind of thing.

I couldn't stand the CIO thing either. And that worked for us.

Now that he's 2, he's for sure on a schedule and I couldn't live without it. (Neither could he, I think). But when they are real little like yours are, well, they are kind of masters of their own little domain. They eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are sleepy, and fill their diapers when they need to.

[VHMPrincess]

my son didn't get on a schedule until almost the time i went back to work...and we just sort of "fell" into it...accidentally ending up doing the same things every day.

But the schedule got set in stone when i went back to work and had to leave him w/my mom...then, in order to have all the things done by the time he is picked up at the end of the day, she put him on a tight schedule. We had no problems.

I'd give him a bottle at 7 or so.
She'd give a bottle at 9:30
1 hr nap @ 10:30
"lunch" (cereal / bottle) at 12
1 hr nap @ 1:30
bottle @ 3:30

Our pediatrician STRESSES that babies do not get to nap more than 1 hr at a time. She told us to wake him up. Helps them sleep thru she said. She said it helps them set their day/night clock earlier. He slept thru starting at 9 weeks.

Then, about age 1, we switched to 1 2-hour nap instead.

[katie]

Routine over schedule all the way! What a wise woman above....

I think that it's important for children to get plenty of sleep, have a basic routine of eating and napping. However, it is a little premature (sorry, no pun intended) to worry about this now. The first six months are a complete whirlwind as far as I'm concerned. I was happy to get a load of laundry on and my hair combed! Seriously, it was a big day if we all got fed and slept a decent amount. My husband understood this, too. If I moaned that I hadn't gotten anything done he'd look around and say...."Did you eat? Did you take a nap? Did you guys get dressed? Did you read a little?" If the answer was yes, and it always was, then he was so happy. He understood that sometimes the basic necessities in life take ALL DAY LONG. It helped to have someone in my corner. I'm in yours, with you T. Me and about a thousand other cyber friends.

[Jenn]

I think that a schedule is a good thing. But I don't think it happens until later. I am pretty sure my son was more like 6 months old before any sort of schedule happened. Around the one year mark the schedule became a routine. I love that routine, and so does he. Any messing with the routine messes with all of our happiness. But I wouldn't worry about forcing a schedule yet.

Jenn

[dawn]

I think I may be the odd one out. Katelyn has a schedule. I watched my sister's kids stay up all night and sleep all day and was like oh noooooo
So at about four or five months I started reading the BABY WHISPERER and liked some of Tracy's idea's. So I took what I liked and started that way. She goes to naps very regular and sleeps from 8-7 or 7:30 most nights.

Now the bad things are, if it's nap time and you are out she gets CRABBY
But most of the time it works great
She is a happy well adjusted baby and sleeps much better that my sister's boys did
Tertia you know what is best for you and those kiddo's. GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT..
I learned that the hard way. I worried all the time and now I am working on taking it a day at a time!!!!!!
GODD LUCK!!!!!!

[Faith]

Tertia, I'm a newbie around here. This is only my second post. But my daughter, Dharma, is 16 weeks and I don't have her on a schedule either. And no...it's not really working for me...basically because my days are really free-floating and anchorless...and also because she sleeps basically from 12 midnight to 12 noon, with a wake up somewhere around 5-7 for food, then another meal at 3 hours later. I've picked up a book by this guy Ezzo...it's called Baby Wise. My friend gave me a book by Ferber. I've got to make time to read the books and then figure out if I can coax Dharma from ending her day at midnight.

Good luck, New Mom!

Faith

[Susie]

The schedule will come but it hardly stays the same for long. I started logging when my son seemed hungry or ready for a nap and noiced it became a pattern. Made me feel quite smart to know oh it's between 10:30 & 11 - he must be fussing for a nap! Then as he rew somedays he takes two 2 hr naps, other days 3 1 hr naps. We try not to wake a sleeping baby ever. The better they nap during the day, the better they sleep at night. Mine has slept through since 8 weeks.
But everything changes as they grow. Growth spurts mean more feedings which may throw off the nap sched. Teething means rougher night sleeps. You are doing the right thing following their lead. Best of luck. Always.

[jenjen]

I know this is the six zillionth comment, but I'll say it anyway. :-) Think seriously about why you want the babes on a schedule. I know it makes life easier, or at least more predictable for the parrents, but IMO, babies don't cry with hunger to manipulate or trick you into feeding them (that would be a toddler/pre-schooler trick). They are hungry. ANd while we, as adults, can wait for our food because we know we'll get it eventually, they don't have that capacity. All they "know" is that they are hungry and need food. Now. I think parents/caregivers can get into a routine where we can predict when the baby might be hungry or when they might nap, but things change day to day for babes. If you insist that they wait three, four or whatever hours between feeds, what if they are growing and need more, more often?

Just some things to think on as you decide how you want to contend with all that parenting brings. I had my kids set the schedule. It wasn't convenient, but I can't even count on being hungry at a certain time myself and I'm not growing or changing (much) so how could i hold them to a schedule?

Good luck as you work your way through!

-Jennifer

[emmagirl]

I agree with the comments above. I have a five month old that has a pretty good "routine" but I wouldn't call it a schedule. When I wasn't working it was a little all over the place - her first feeding could be at 6, 7 or 8 in the morning and then she would eat every 3 - 4 hours. When I went back to work, I had to start getting her up everyday at least by 7 to feed her so our "routine" became a bit more regular. She's eating two feedings wiht the nanny (I'm pretty sure it's not the same time every day) and then I feed her right when I get home from work around 5:30 or so - I'm still nursing twice a day so those two feedings are pretty consistent for my own sake more so than hers.

She has a nighttime routine of bath, bottle and sleep but it doesn't always start at the same time each night - it could go 30+ minutes each way.

She sleeps pretty well but when she does wake up in the middle of the night crying, I rock/feed, whatever she needs to go back to sleep and we start it all over again at 7:00 the next morning (unless it is a weekend, sometimes she let's mommy sleep in :))

She usually takes a couple of naps a day but sometimes it's just one good nap in the morning and cat naps in the afternoon. Same thing as her eating - it's about he same time everyday but not always.

If they are sleeping well at night, I wouldn't be too concerned about a strict schedule at this point. I think it's kind of a balance between providing some structure without being so rigid that you and your kids freak out if they are a minute off schedule.

BTW - I think you are doing a fabulous job as a mom and aren't your babies just the cutest!

[Moxie]

Faith, be soooo careful with Babywise. It's not well-thought-of by anyone in the parenting community.

If you're feeling adrift by lack of a schedule, the best thing to do IME is to make sure you get out of the hosue to do one thing that gets you intereaction with another adult every single day. Dharma will get herself into a routine very soon.

[Tulip]

If not having a schedule has worked for you so far, Hon, then more power to you. If you've found a way to reasonably live your life as a mother to twins, you're doing okay in my book.

I agree with Jody, a fellow triplet mom who, like me, managed to have infants on a schedule or routine (you pick which word you like best) without crying. I did not do CIO in my home, and still don't. Like Jody says, if you just wake them up at the same time each day, you'll see that they probably will regulate themselves fairly quickly. Follow her tips for a happy life, Tertia.

I also agree that you will probably be wanting some kind of schedule or "daily structure" once you go back to work. You can ease your babies into this kind of lifestyle, you do not need to be dramatic and make radical changes to their lives.

Go slow. Be gentle. Don't be afraid to rock or hold your babies. They are only young this one time, you'll never have a chance again to hold or rock them like this again. Let your memories be of gentle, happy memories, not the agony of listening to your children scream & cry for you as they lie terrified in their cribs. Even if it just lasts for a few nights, that's a few nights too many.

[Linda]

We didn't have a sleeping schedule until close to 6 months old. It came about as they got better and better at waking up around the same time and then they'd start rubbing their eyes and getting cranky around 9:30 so I'd lay them down. Then they'd get up 1.5 hours later and get cranky and eye-rubby again around 2:30. So they really made their own schedule and I just watched them for cues.

For eating we tried to keep the first feeding around 8 am so that I could nurse them when I got home from work. But we kept it flexible and would give or take 30-60 minutes when needed.

[e]

re CIO/ imposing schedules.

I have to say that on balance, I think CIO leads to more passive children, who may be easier to handle in the short term, but who may have greater problems in their adult life than children who are allowed to take a more active part in their life.

I feel that they already rely on their parents totally for everything until they're beyond toddlerhood, so they ought to have a limited amount of say in what happens to them, with the proviso that they learn to fit in with the way their parents live.

So not responding to their cries when they're tiny only teaches them that they can't have any say in anything, and rather goes against the way I'd want to bring my children. It is more hectic when they're little (judging by the easy life my sister has vs. our lives when our children were small- her kid, at 10 months, still sleeps about 17-18 hours a day) but I think it's pays off later.

re schedules: my girlfriends who imposed schedules of their kids (even my sister) cannot do anythign execpt around the baby's schedule. So my sister has hardly left the house for any length for ten months because her daughter is so used to doing everything the same way every day, and can't sleep well anywhere but her own. We never had any problems getting ours to sleep in unfamiliar surroudnings.

Ultimately you have to decide what you want to be able to do with them when they're 6 months+ (obviously now they'll be still all over the place). Will you want to take them away for the weekend, or go shopping for a day without anybody suffering ill-effects?

[e]

Sorry about typos, missing words etc. I'm just too random to proof-read, me... I think it's mostly comprehensible though. ;)

[dawna]

I personally cannot live by a schedule. I'm terrible with time and things like that. That and I get terribly bored if I stay around the house all day. Aiden(so I'm told by everyone I see in public places) is a very very good baby. He rarely cries(unless he is sick) and usually I can go to a nice sit down resturaunt stay for over an hour, and he will happily sit in his carseat, and play with his toys. He's six months old. I've never followed any sort of schedule, he devised one that fits my needs I think. We have a very simple nap/bedtime "routine" that involves him being fed, cuddled for a few minutes to gauge how tired he is, then me simply putting him in his bed, covering him with a blanket and patting his back for about 10 seconds. As I'm walking away he realizes that means it's time to sleep, and he goes to sleep. His sleep at night is 5-6 hours then wake to feed, then another 5-6 hours. He wakes for the day, naps about 2-3 hours after, sleeps for around 2 hours, then awake for 3-4 hours that time, a nice 3-4 hour nap, then up till bedtime. Yes, I get wonderful daily breaks if I stay home. He naps more frequently, but not for long periods when we're out and about all day. But he goes with the flow very nicely, and can function and do what he needs to do to continue being well rested and happy through the day. And he did all this on his own! So, I'd say, aside from a feeding schedule(which you need with twins) and a bedtime "routine" they will figure it out soon enough and you'll be sitting there stunned like "What did I do different to make THIS happen?". Babies are such resilient little creatures.

[Rachel]

My thoughts on "schedules" ... some babies need them, some don't. Some mamas need them, some don't. Some babies and mamas actually do better with NO schedule and get all persnickety if you try to force the issue.

My opinion is, if you are happy and they are happy, no worries. You may find that in a few months you want a little more predictability -- worry about it then. It's not like any schedule you start now will apply then anyway :).

I was completely 100% UN-scheduled with my first, because I couldn't be bothered. He was happy, so there was no harm done.

With my second, I had to fit his life into an already-busy schedule. So, he got more schedule too. I do think he benefited from a more organized bedtime routine than #1 had -- but other than that, he was just as happy scheduled as #1 was un-scheduled.

[Nance]

I've never scheduled either of my kids. They've been fed on demand, napped when they were tired, and played when they were awake.

Most babies will settle into a general routine of their own around 3 or 4 months of age - they'll want to eat, nap, play within a general time range of the last time they've eaten/slept, and we've always gone with that. It's easy to schedule around the kids once they've established a routine because you know generally when they'll be awake or hungry, and your entire day isn't thrown into a tizzy if nap gets pushed back by 30 minutes or so.

I don't know about you, but I don't eat at exactly the same times every day, or wake/sleep at the same times either. I eat when I'm hungry, go to bed when I'm tired. Why would I want to insist that my children eat and sleep at specific times if I'm not demanding that same rigid scheduling for myself?

Now, that's not to say that we don't have a bedtime for my older child, we do, but the baby doesn't need one yet - he's usually passed out on his own by 7:30 or so.

[Nopenname]

Specifically on CIO. We did it when Lis was 9 months old. We'd moved from Jax florida to Tacoma Washington and were sleeping in my parent's living room on a hide-away couch bed. And we just COULDN'T cosleep anymore.

So I put her down to CIO. The first night it was the hardest 20 minutes ever the next night eight.

I wouldn't recommend CIO until your kids start showing that there is a difference between what they NEED and what they Want, you'll recognize it and then it's time to tell them that just because they WANT to do such and such doesn't mean they are allowed to.

And the thing about schedules, we still get yelled at by all manner of doctors and such that our daughter goes to bed at 8:30 but then we remind them that she has immature reflux disorder (GERD) and she needs a good three hours between when she eats to when she sleeps or we're dealing with puking all night. In other words to each their own. If it ain't broke...don't fix it. ^_~

[Spring]

Another "ain't broke, don't fix it" here. I think if you can predict their feeds within an hour reliably you've already got an awesome routine for that age, which is all any of you (the babes, you, the hubster, and those rockin nanny's) need. As they get old things will become more defined and you'll be able to tweak as needed. And WTG on the bedtime routine. It'll set em up to expect sleep and if you need to do a Modified CIO down the road will probably make it a lot easier.

[Joan]

Speaking from experience with twins, I think it's essential to fall into a pattern eventually. Now *I* am the queen of anal when it comes to this - I would have gone nuts if I'd just let it happen.

I had my husband make up an Excel worksheet for me with rows divided into 15-minute slots and columns for each day. Each sheet was for one week, and each baby had their own sheet. I'd mark down when they nursed, when they napped, and keep them in two-hour cycles: Wake up, nurse, play, go to sleep two hours after waking. Repeat. Sometimes their cycles weren't quite in sync, but I'd start out the day by waking them both at 7:00 so it wasn't too out of whack. It was really useful when they started eating solids too because I could check what they ate if there were any bad reactions. Plus I could never remember who woke up when and all that, so it really did help.

Once they normalized into two naps a day and I had figured out a regular meal schedule, the charts disappeared but they sure helped from about 6 to 12 months!

Joan

PS e-mail me if you'd like the file ...
PPS you're a good mummy!

[jenni]

I have four. I had a routine with my first but he did it on his own. The next two were/are tricky. My son wouldn't do anything on a routine and the only thing my daughter does routinely is cry. Is it a work thing that makes you want them on a schedule. I would suggest that you slowly adjust them to when you would like to rise and eat and sleep! My daughter sleeps for like 15 minutes after her bottle. I call it her milk coma! ; ) She doesn't nap and she doesn't eat the same amount each bottle. She does have the crying down. My two year old takes a nap about 6.5 hours after he woke. Today he woke at 8 and went down at 2. He eats three times a day. I do have all my kids eating at the same time but they don't all sleep at the same time!

My point is try to figure out why it's so important and if it's somthing that won't really improve anything then don't worry about it. You have twins your life is exciting enough! ; )

[RBelle]

I have a one year old boy and a four week old girl. I have to admit I had no schedule with my little boy and I promised I would do better this time. In four weeks, I have not. But, my little boy just seemed to get on a schedule at some point. He started sleeping through the night, waking up at the same time, etc.
The good thing is that when I need to get him off schedule for a trip, or whatever.
So, actually, I am rambling and this is really of no help other than to say I wouldn't worry too much about a schedule.

[Debbie K.]

I am a strict mother and bedtime is bedtime. (6:45 P.M.), wind down time, toys are cleaned up by the children. (7:00 P.M.), bath-time for those who need it, followed by changing, (cloth diapers doubled, pins, rubber pants.) (7:20-7:30 P.M.), story time, then bedtime. Whenever i draw opposition from one of the children, a spanking usually follows, no ifs, buts, or ands about it. That pretty much sums up bedtime in our household. Good-night.