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Good luck, Rose!
You're on your way!!!!


Uh, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and hope that in South Africa the word "fag" isn't as horribly derogatory and cruel as it is here in the US? Because otherwise, wow.

Please tell me this was a mistake on your part and you aren't a homophobe.

Oh why not...just kicked in $10! Good luck!

fag in europe is a cigarette. the doc is probably v funny. one of my best friends finally married is his long time boyfriend. he tells me that he is the happies flaming fag in the world. actually, he threw another descriptive f word in there, but i will spare us....i just love him.

uhh...I dont recall this post really being about "fags"...really I dont. Ive read above below and through the lines and I believe it was about ROSES BOOBS. Why oh why can people keep opinions to themselves? And why would it even matter if she WERE a homophobic person? I just dont see where that comment even fits in here. Tertia..im throwing 15 dollars your way :)

I'm very excited that Rose will be greeting 2006 with a streamlined figure. Go Rose!

Re: the above post all anxious and terrified that you might be a "homophobe", Tertia, I am laughing. Only someone who has next to no gay friends (or only very VERY uptight gay friends) would be freaked out by the term "fag." That word has been totally reclaimed by the gay community and its friends and is usually only considered "horribly derogatory and cruel" (yes, even here in the US) when bandied about in Red States or followed up with the phrase "ought to be stoned."

Anyhoo, back on earth I have just chipped in a bit for BoobFest 2005. As I have been carrying around my 36DDD's for the past 20 years or so, I have great sympathy. Once I have this baby and maybe one more, god willing, plan to treat myself to a little reduction. I think my girls weigh in at about 7lbs per (well, pre-pregnancy) -- just ridiculous. Not even fun when they're that big -- can barely feel the damned things. Here in the (United) States, reduction is sometimes paid for by insurance -- long term back problems being primary justification. I wonder if the 1/2 inch deep and permanent indentations on either shoulder from holding up these monsters qualifies me??? Will find out. If not, in about 5 years, I fully expect Rose to kick back those $10 for MY reduction fund!!!

All the best to Rose and our frothing, ferociously homophobic T.

Tertia, too funny about the gay Dr...LOL
i think its great what you are doing for Rose, helping her out like this. The one thing I would say, though, is to not pressure or even ask Rose about posting about her childhood. I am American and my husband is a non-white South African who grew up in apartheid...for those of us who didnt grow up that way, we will never really understand- we cannot even begin to. He's got lots of stories that'll make your hair stand on end. Though she may not express it, it is an extremely painful thing on so many levels- and she might not wish to re-live that past by writing about it.

Jen: "And why would it even matter if she WERE a homophobic person?" Well, I wouldn't read the blog, for one thing. And it would certainly change my opinion of her. And if it wouldn't change YOUR opinion of her, then that would change my opinion of YOU.

Shanna: "Re: the above post all anxious and terrified that you might be a "homophobe", Tertia, I am laughing. Only someone who has next to no gay friends (or only very VERY uptight gay friends) would be freaked out by the term "fag." That word has been totally reclaimed by the gay community and its friends and is usually only considered "horribly derogatory and cruel" (yes, even here in the US) when bandied about in Red States or followed up with the phrase "ought to be stoned." I am neither anxious nor terrified, I simply want to know if the person who writes this blog is homophobic or not, so I can remove her from my blog list. And as far as your other comments, I suggest you go to P'Town or Rehoboth or South Beach, as a straight person, and start throwing the word "Fag" around. While you're at it, go ahead into Compton and the Bronx and start saying "nigger", because after all, they call each other that, right? It's been "reclaimed by the black community".

Listen honey, if you aren't a man who loves other men, using the word "fag" is derogatory and in fact qualifies as hate speech under the law. Your presumption that because they use it gives you the right is wrong and incredibly rude of you. Learn some manners.


You must let me know the name of the faggy doctor. Mel's boob doctor also appears faggy. Could it be the same one???


Catherine, chill out- from personal experience I can say that words we wouldn't use here in the US do not necessarily have the same connotations as they do in other countries. I really dont think Tertia is a homophobe- otherwise she would be steering very clear of that doctor. I certainly never got that impression from the post. She was just relating the experience.

My Dutch husband says he doesn't think fag has the connotations in Europe it has here in the US.

Anyway, why don't you email T privately if you're worried? I'm afraid this will make a blog comment shitstorm. I think the last thing T needs after this really tough week/weekend is a blog comment shitstorm. Just email her and ask her if you must, but please, please, can we keep these comments on the topic of breast reduction?

Jessica: "from personal experience I can say that words we wouldn't use here in the US do not necessarily have the same connotations as they do in other countries."

Which is EXACTLY what I asked in my original post - if it means the same there as it does here. I am asking for clarification. I read this blog every day and enjoy it. I would be surprised and saddened if it turned out Tertia was homophobic. I will remove her from my blog list and move on. But I could not in good conscience stand there and let hate speech (or what is hate speech in my country) be thrown around without so much as asking for clarification.

Just yesterday, I had Sunday brunch with my uncle, who is also my godfather. He and his partner are going on a year-long trip to find a place to retire outside of this country. In the last election, millions of people voted against their own economic interests just to show how much they hated gays. He feels understandably alienated and hated in his own country. I don't blame him for leaving.

So no, I don't sit back and pretend that I didn't see the word "fag" in print, when I know how much words can hurt people I love. No I don't. And I won't.

Just made my donation. I've read your blog long enough not to jump to conclusions about words you use. Thanks for doing this for Rose.

I really hope you get enough donations so that Rose doesn't have to struggle to get this done.

I think we should not respond to Catherine's posts and let T answer her on her own. If we continue to respond to her it seems she will only return and continue to post herself, turning T's post about boobs into a political debate over the word "fag."

Just my 2 cents. ;+)

Great news about the boob appointment. You guys must look like a circus when you all roll up to places with the entourage!

Hope it all works out for Rose, and I'd really love to see the smile on her face after it is done.

P.S. I've also read your blog for long enough to know not to jump conclusions.

Oh stop jumping all over Catherine. I was surprised to see Tertia use the word 'fag' too.

Yay!!! Please let us know toward the end of the donation-gathering phase if you don't wind up with enough. By then I might be working again and could possibly donate some more...maybe others could too.

Tessy: "I think we should not respond to Catherine's posts and let T answer her on her own. If we continue to respond to her it seems she will only return and continue to post herself,"

I hope that's what happens. I don't want to have a debate, I want clarification. Yes, if you (not you personally, I mean others) keep being rude, I will come back and keep posting, but if you don't, then I will wait for Tertia's response. It is natural to defend yourself when being attacked. But I won't post unprovoked. Thanks for that suggestion, I hope others follow it.

Given that Tertia refers to herself and her most cherished friends as "assholes," I tend to give her the benefit of the doubt when derogatory words are bandied about and assume that she means praise by it.

Anyway, Rose has an extra 5 pounds of boobage? Sheesh! I had to make a donation for that. And how perfect is it that the PayPal thing goes through Boulder's blog, given that the money is for reducing the size of Rose's boulders?

I hope my few dollars help! I would love to get my boobs done after the babiess, - I will be going in the other direction though!

Good luck!

Exactly what Orange said!

wow, poor tertia, lionesses just waiting to tear strips off the meat, just toss in the right bait.

Good luck to Rose.

Am waiting for new credit card, should be able to donate very very soon.

I've just read the comments. I have misplaced my sense of humour in the heat wave but people, what is wrong with you? No one can be PC all the time. The world would be better actually if people didn't place so much emphasis on being PC. If the Dr. had been blonde she'd have picked on that. If he'd been fat or bald, the same. If the Dr. were me, she could make a psoriatic joke. Kind? Oh for pity's sake, we are not kind all the time are we? And not being kind is vastly different from being mean.

Have you been paying attention at all to this blog? Tertia is an awfully good person - see this post for starters! Does that mean she cannot make a joke anymore? SHE IS NOT A BLOODY HOMOPHOBE, haven't you been reading her? To even ask is more offensive than her saying "fag". Yes she said "fag" meaning "faggot", "queer", "homo", what have you. She also sometimes says - cover your ears - "fuck". I myself am sitting hear repeatedly saying FOR FUCK'S SAKE! And to pretend that you happen to be someone who does NOT, ever, make jokes at the expense of others is - and I tell you this as an Anthropologist - a falsehood. WE ALL DO IT! The how varies culturally and individually but WE ALL DO IT.

Stop fainting around in dismay and wringing your hands, that went out with the Civil War. Let's talk fucking boobs already, that is actually worthy of our attention.

Oh bloody heat.

Catherine, I stand by everything I said and I even know what you meant. Still find it over the top and symptomatic of this trend where you have to weigh your every word. People are just short, not vertically challenged. But that Civil War bit and the tone was just bitchy and it's not your fault I'm hot and bothered.

$10 from me--I think Rose *looks* beautiful just the way she is, but that's easy for me to say since I don't have to carry those things around all day.

Wonderful news about the appt., altho the doctor seemed less than compassionate about the prob. Oh well, can't be perfect. Is he a good surgeon though?

T. - Can you post a bar graph or chart or graphic-thingy so we can see how much money has been raised? Or is that tacky and in poor taste? They do it at my public library, but they are adding a new building, which has nothing to do with boobs.

I donated what I could, but would be more than willing to do it again after next paycheck if needed. I would have liked to have been able to type a short note to Rose with the donation. I don't know if you can do that w/ PayPal.

You are an amazing friend and employer to do all this for Rose. She must be very special. I think everyone would love to hear from her, no matter what she is writing about. Maybe just her perspective on the babes.

My ebay auctions end tomorrow and I'll have some money in PayPal after that. I'll send a few $$.

"Please tell me this was a mistake on your part and you aren't a homophobe." If you're "just asking for clarification", why the statement of juedgement?

Please keep the donations open so I can donate a little each payday. We're a one income family so I can only give a litte at a time (but it adds up over time).

I'm so happy for Rose--great news!

Tertia sent me an e-mail in response to a comment I left a while back and she called me an asshole. Me, an asshole! I was elated and left it in my inbox so I could look at it all the time. Being on the less then strait side myself and with more queer friends then I can count I assure you that anyone as Gorgeous and Divine as Tertia can use the word "fag" to her heart's content and none of them would be the least bit offended.


I think you are such a wonderful person for being so kind & generous to Rose. You are such a rarity. I know one family that treat their nanny/housekeeper as if she is a third rate human - talking loudly, slowly, berating her for not doing things exact...

You, on the other hand, are giving Rose freedoms that she wouldn't have access to if she didn't work for you. I honestly look up to you so much for that. What a kind & true heart you have.

You love your kids so damned much that when I read your posts my heart aches or swells with pride with you!

About the gay doctor, I have 3 gay aunts/uncles and they say the word fag all the time, in fact I'm horrified when the say it so much.

Heaven forbid you talk on your blog about your private & personal feelings. I keep forgetting that this is here for our reading simply because you are kind enough to publish it on a daily basis for all to see. I also keep forgetting that you're human and not a saint. *slapping forehead* Come on Tertia, get on the ball here.

I can't believe you're posting about your emotional/visceral feelings!!

**I hope I don't get attacked... Just keep in mind its an "online diary". I'm sure she writes the truly juicy stuff in the diary under her mattress.

I think Catherine meant well, and wanted to make sure Tertia wasn`t using the word in a hurtful way (and I think most of us intuitively grasped that she was not). In the backlash against PC-ness, it somehow gets forgotten that the whole idea of it was to spare hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

I just chipped in. My husband (not a blog reader) was watching, and was appalled -- "You`re giving money to complete strangers? This could be a total scam!" Yeah, right -- someone calling themselves Tertia set up this blog and concocted her entire life story just to set up the chance to fleece people for a few dollars years later. So I said, hey, if that`s true, then please think of it as my paying the subscription fee for a daily publication I enjoy reading.

My husband, unfortunately, does not understand the concept that sometimes you have to trust people, even total strangers, or life is not worth living.

Wow! I'm so glad we can help Rose out. You're truly a big-hearted person. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to help out, too. (And thanks, Boulder!) Let us know how we're doing periodically in the "Great Boob Reduction Project of 2005."

Catherine, you are selfish in the extreme. You took a post about a woman who needs our help and turned it into your self-righteous holier-than-thou crusade of political correctness.

Hope you feel really good about distracting T's readers from the REAL problem here: Rose can't afford the health care that she needs.

Enough about FAGS already gals, DONATE!!

Victoria, for almost 20 years I couldn't afford any healthcare whatsoever!

I am neither self-righteous nor holier-than-thou. I am a perfectly normal woman living in the United States who is strongly against allowing hate speech to be propagated in polite society without any sort of rebuttal. If "fag" is not considered hate speech in South Africa and Tertia did not mean to be derogatory and hateful, then wonderful. I am asking for clarification. Your own hateful words do not deter me.

Not to add to the distraction at all, but just wondering why, Catherine, are you constantly on the blog today? I mean, you posted at 3:07, 4:31, 4:48, 5:22 and 8:21 and I'm sure you're not done. It almost seems as if you are enjoying stirring things up.

I would like to add that this has NOTHING to do with being PC. Some of the examples people are using like "vertically-challenged" for short are just ridiculous. "Fag" is a word that has been used to demean, to spread hate, to even kill (Matthew Sheperd). It is on a par with "nigger". And for those who are saying "But my gay cousin/friend/uncle/whoever doesn't find it offensive", what is your point? So if I find a black person who doesn't find the word "nigger" offensive, it's okay for me to use it for all black people?

And it's not even all about gay people! "Fag" is what little boys are called when they can't catch a ball or run as fast as their classmates. "Fag" is what middle-school boys are called if they don't have the social skills to fit in right away, if they're too smart or too skinny or too fat. "Fag" is what high-school boys are called when they don't adopt the misogynistic tone of their locker-room peers, when they are gentle and in touch with their feelings. This has NOTHING TO DO with PC. This is about spreading hate and stereotypes in the world. I cannot believe I am being attacked to this degree for simply ASKING for clarification!

I read Tertia's blog every day. I actually got tears in my eyes last week reading the "It's V bad" post. When I read the word "fag" in an otherwise innocuous post today, it was very disturbing to me. I wanted her to clarify because I was hoping that the connotation was not the same in SA. Honestly it did not occur to me to email her instead of post a comment - I have never emailed someone from their blog, I have only ever posted a comment.

Whatever, if you want to demonize me for being honestly disturbed and asking a question about it, go ahead. I will not post in the comments section anymore today. Say what you want about me. I will await Tertia's response, if there is any.

I hope everything works out for Rose - and it is amazing to see how people from all over the world can pull together, a little at a time, to make a difference in one woman's life.

Please ladies -
Freddie Mercury was a rocking badass! I would love to have a Dr. that looked like him. :-) Let's all take a deep cleansing breath and relax. (and move on!!!!)

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
for me
for me

PS To my delight, I got an email from the G&D Tertia herself - it was v v exciting!

I'm with Catherine. The description of the doctor as "Complete fag, but sweet in a faggy way I suppose." bothered me too. Not the least because the doctor didn't sound that sweet at all. Insisting on speaking a language to someone who doesn't understand? It doesn't sound very nice at all.

I think what you are doing is marvelous... trying to help someone you care about, but, more importantly you are keeping your babies' care-giver happy which, in turn, will help make your babies happy.
I am so down with this. I treat anyone who takes care of my rugrats like gold also.

So, although i truly don't have one extra nickel to spare i am making an exception for you and Miss Rose and will donate $5.00. Anything i can do to help you and the babies and Rose to be happy during this most stressful time of your life is well worth it.
P.S. I plan to get my new Au Pair a nose job when she gets here!!!!!!!

Oh blah.

No one is trying to demonise you, Catherine, or making you not comment anymore. You are probably American. Tertia and many of us aren't. Words have different meanings in different places. Not even countries - places. And you should know better than to have to ask whether she's a homophobe. You should have needed no clarification. This is it in a nutshell.

T. rock on w your bad self, dahling.

Hi Tertia! Please keep us posted on how the donations are tallying up - I'm sure a lot of us would love to make it possible for Rose to have her operation without having to borrow from anyone - happy early xmas for Rose!!! I'm sure I'm not the only one who would make another donation if it made that difference for her :-) I guess I could stump up next week's chocolate money as well ...

I just read the comments on the previous post, and I think Catherine was unfairly attacked. I think her question about the use of the word "fag" was politely posed. And I agree that for a straight person to lightly toss around the word "fag" in the United States might not be that different than a white person using the "n" word (which I cannot bring myself to say or write) even though black people call each other the "n" word quite a bit. Now, maybe fag is used differently in SA as Tertia says, but I don't see Catherine's question as inappropriate at all. I bet some of the women on this blog would be horrified if someone used un-pc adoption language, even if the person using it clearly was a good person, in favor of adoption, but was simply uneducated about proper language, and I also bet some of those same women would attack Catherine for her question about the use of a word that is, at best, somewhat controversial, at least here in the U.S.

Gosh. Didn't realize Tertia owed one Catherine un clarification post haste.

Learn something new every day.

Tertia - you don't owe me (or any of us!) anything, not clarificatin/explanation - nada. It's your beautiful blog and your words and actions far outshine the sputtering lights of indignation.

As ever, thanks for sharing.

Oh, my lord, Catherine. Sweetheart? Tootsie pop? Dollface? Go get fucked. Seriously, you need to get laid if you are truly that uptight. And also? I really really think that T could give a flying rat's arse if you remove her from your blog roll or whatever. I can hardly believe you're 'threatening' her with that, of all the inane things. Clearly you're at least book smart. Get some common sense to go with that big bloated vocabulary of yours, you silly git.

T please keep the donations open - payday is just around the corner.

Wow, does ANYONE have a sense of humor here? I did not even REMOTELY read anything homophobic in this post. WOW.

everybody CALM down!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe the internet IS the new junior high - check this out... ourhomeschool.blog-city.com.

I too have gay friends...but we are ALL able to laugh at some of those stereotypes that make some gay people gay and some straight people straight. come ON!

Sorry people are saying this stuff T!


One other comment...I agree with Jen 100% on the fag comment. It's called "owning" the word. This isn't the 50's. This person Catherine doesn't have too many gay friends, it doesn't sound like.

And let me reiterate that often when someone makes a troll-like comment (like I did that one day, remember, T?) it often comes from a place of jealousy. It is very nice when everyone reacts to a comment YOU left and gives you LOTS of attention.

Like my comment about staying home, how could this comment NOT have hurt your feelings? It was obviously made to make C feel better about herself. And why couldn't she have written you in PRIVATE? Sorry, in a bit of a bitchy mood today.

Just a thought.

Please stop comparing it to blacks. As a black person, I find that very offensive. The "n" word is all over the place here. AND AS A BLACK GAY MAN IT IS NOT THE SAME!

Money on the way for Rose.

I, this is ridiculous. Catherine writes:

"Please tell me this was a mistake on your part and you aren't a homophobe."

YO!!! This wasn't saying "In the US the word fag is considered highly derogatory by some, I'm curious how it is in SA" This was nowehere near "politely", this is fucking offensive! And coming from someone who reads this blog every single day? Please. It's offensive, sorry.

Rachel, you have balls! Hats off.

Black Gay Man, THANK YOU! That's what I've been thinking but I'm not a native speaker and wasn't sure. (Please tell me you aren't Jewish.) [;)]

We are poor right now but sending my $2 anyway. I hope Rose enjoys her new boobs!

I just happened to look at that picture of Rose, she is so pretty! I personally don't think her chest is too big(based on picture, mine isn't much smaller, if at all) but I do commiserate, they are a pain in the back, the shoulders. Yeah, I suffer daily with the pains of a large chest. But since I'm chubby, they balance out the fat around my midsection! (: Good luck, and I hope the money is raised in time.

darn, and tertia already had the harry potter post so we can't seque into THAT heated discussion.

i grew up w/the last name 'gay' and fag doesn't bother me, and i've been called that MANY times.

and i already made my contribution, so i don't have to acknowledge the TRUE essence of the post.

but you know? i had my IMPLANTS implanted 11 years ago, they are due for a tune up. Anyone wanna help?

I'll even take $$ from fags.

Ok, chipped in $5. Will put in the same amount each week for the next few. Would love to know how the tally is going?

Say Hi to Rose for me.


I too have been reading your blog long enough to not be offended. As a matter of fact... love you more. :D

Go Rose!

D'you know, I really thought that this was one smal part of the modern world where political correctness did not reign supreme. That's why I come here. PC just ruins fun. It's not about changing people's ideas, but about changing other peoples' perceptions of them- ie concealing.

As other as have pointed out, "fag" has become main-stream in the gay community, probably as a means to defuse it. Which is in itlsef precisely the probelm with so-called political correctnes- the words are frequently subverted by one party of another for their own purposes, and take previously unwelcome connotations.

Look at the case of people with cerebral palsy and other motor impairments. Here in England, the correct, medical term used to be "spastic", because of the characteristic spasming of muscles in CP. That became subverted by ignorant people who used it as a term of abuse. So onwards to "handicapped". Same thing. Then to "disabled". So far this word has been bland and factual enough not to subverted, I think. But it is only a matter of time.

Tertia did not say: "I think the doctor does not know his job properly because he is a fag". Nor did she say "I hate queer doctors- they should all be banned". No. She was merely setting the scene for us, in the way any good storyteller would. So thank you, T. I can visualise Rose's appointment much better, armed with this information. We know that the doctor was more camp than arrogant prick, and can interpret his words accordingly. It's all about non-verbal information, which obviously in a written context you have to give in words.

Oh I loved Freddie Mercury. Broke my 9th grade heart when he died. I was just at my parent's house tossing and donating things from my childhood (it's been a dozen year since I moved out and my closet still have school projects from elementary school!) and I found a pair of jeans I had painted with all the faces of the members of Queen in their glam rock heydays. Besides the stunning fact I once wore jeans with a 28 inch waist, how was I not ridiculed endlessly for fawning over a band from the seventies in like 1989.

Good luck to Rose!

I also donated $10.00. I'd love to see how we're all doing on the donations!

as for the PC stuff. This is Tertia's blog. She should say what she feels, when she feels it without explanation. It's HER blog. You don't have to read it if you think it's not for you. But she should not have to clarify ANYTHING she says. She is saying things in her way.

And Tertia, I have read your blog long enough to feel that I know a little about you and homophobe you are not.

hey tertia,

i've been away, is rose looking to get a reduction?

I agree with e. I escape to blogs, because it doesn't have to be PC. I'm tired of being PC.

"Complete fag, but sweet in a faggy way I suppose" My God, this is a great compliment. He has all the stereotypes of a gay man, especially the sweet ones. (read: effeminate, focused, anal-retentive, etc, but he's also compassionate, understanding, etc.)

"He told me to phone around with pleasure, he knew he was very reasonable, and he is. Queen." Tertia didn't get her way completely. (read: ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend is just G & D and has a fabulous figure. BITCH)

I don't see the need to get all huffy and puffy.

You know, I was thinking about this post this morning. I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the motorway listening to music on the radio, or, more specifically, 'We will rock you' and it occured to me, for the first time ever, that the great Freddy Mercury may be the very reason the group was called QUEEN!! I was quite proud of myself, and it made me laugh. (Oh, and if this is a well known thing, I had a strict religious upbringing and have only recently learned to think in these terms, so please don't begrudge me my achievement!)

as a fag, I'm offended by people who are offended by the term "fag".

Ok, not really, but I'm at least amused by people who get offended... essentially on my behalf. Aw, shucks. So nice to know you care. But really, please stop. :)

The comments to this entry are closed.


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